Page 90 of Quiet Beautiful Things

As I take in her delighted reaction to my expression, it dawns on me that her eyes are no longer dark and distant. Hell, they’re almost sparkling. There’s been a fundamental shift in both of us with her declaration. I feel like we’ve turned a corner and there’s no going back. And my heart has never been so full.

“I love you,” I sign emphatically, then pull her in for a hug, knowing no truer words have ever been signed. “I love you so fucking much,” I whisper, nestling her against me.

As she rests her head on my shoulder, her arms wrapped around my neck, I wonder why in the hell I’m about to put someone I love in a position to see Lucinda if I don’t even know if she wants to.

Pulling back slightly, I try to hide the change in my mood from her.

“Let’s clean up,” I sign, dreading how this day may turn out.

~ ~ ~

“Change of plans,” I tell Ellie, when she arrives a few hours later. “Can you watch Maisy?”

“Why?”

“I’m going alone.”

Ellie’s eyebrows knit together.

Me: You’re always telling me to let Maisy help decide what’s best for her. I know nothing about Lucinda. What if she’sMommy Dearest? I can’t do that to Maisy. So until we can have a conversation about it and I know where she stands, I’m not going to put Maisy in a position to be scared or hurt or even just confused. But I’m going. I have questions for Lucinda. Lots of them.

Ellie looks at me like a proud mother.

Ellie: Wow… you’ve come a long way from the man who I accused of neglect.

Me: You have no idea. We had a breakthrough today. She did a new sign.

“Which one?”

I consider showing her, but then think of who’s standing in front of me. When I sign ‘I love you’ to Ellie, it’s damn well going to be because I’m saying it toher.

Aaaaaandwhyhaven’t you done that yet?

Me: She told me she loves me.

Ellie’s hand covers her heart, her eyes becoming glassy as she smiles as brightly as I did.

Maisy runs out, dressed for the day, sees Ellie, and squeals.

Ellie signs, “You and me play?”

Maisy thinks on it, walks to the dining room table, peruses the drawings until she finds what she’s looking for, and brings it over. She holds out a picture I drew of the park near McQuaid Circle, complete with the playground.

Ellie signs, “You want to go to the playground?” She shows us the sign for playground then points to the one in the picture.

Maisy signs, “Yes,” then grabs my hand and tries pulling me toward the door.

When I resist, she looks up. “Just you and Ellie,” I say as I point to myself and shake my head.

I’m not sure if she understands, because it’s always been the three of us. This is the first time they’re going on an outing without me.

But my smart and trusting daughter simply blows me a kiss then takes Ellie’s hand and drags her to the door.

I get out my keys, take the house key off the ring and hand it to Ellie before they’re out the door.

“Good luck,” she signs.

~ ~ ~

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