Page 113 of Quiet Beautiful Things

“Jesus, Ellie. That’s fucked up. Did you ever see the movieCarrie?”

She nods in understanding. “I wanted to kill them all,” she signs.

Ellie: Instead of killing them, I just kept my head down and finished out the year. Then I went to Gallaudet, where everyone was like me. No one ever made fun of me. And no one tried to force me to speak.

I put both of our phones down and turn to face her square-on. I let my hands do the talking. “Ellie, I don’t want you to speak. You are perfect the way you are.”

She shakes her head. “You may think that now. But it will change.”

“You don’t give me… credit,” I sign, fingerspelling the last word. “I love you. Nothing else matters.”

She picks up her phone, stands, and walks toward the door. Turning back before leaving, she signs, “Buy the house. It will be good for Maisy. Goodbye, Blake.”

“Goodbye?” I yell, knowing she can’t hear, but I shout it again anyway. “Goodbye?” I stand. “What the fuck?”

I take a few deep breaths and gather my thoughts. She’s just like my brother, Lucas. She loves me. I know she does. But she’s leaving anyway. Do I just let her go?

No. Fuck that. I race to the door, expecting to see her sitting in the front seat of my car. But she’s not there.

She’s not anywhere.

She’s just… gone.

I physically feel my heart splinter into a million pieces.

Chapter Forty

40

Ellie

By the time I get home, my shirt is damp, my eyes are puffy, and my spirit is broken.

He said he loved me.

I throw myself on my bed and cry. I cry because I know exactly what I’m doing. I’m throwing away possibly the best thing to ever happen to me. But I just… can’t.

When I’m all out of tears, I pad out to the kitchen, start brewing a jumbo batch of coffee, and place a video call to Mom. When her face fills the screen, she cocks her head, and sadness overcomes her.

“Oh, baby,” she signs, “What happened?”

Mom and I have always been close. I tell her almost as much as I tell Beth. I take her through the entire day, leaving out details about making love in the empty house.

“Ellie.” She gives me a look only moms know how to give. “The fact that you’re in the state you’re in and you’re calling me for motherly advice tells me everything I need to know. Sweetie, it’s obvious you belong together. And I’m sorry to have to agree with him over you, but I believe he’s right and you’re making excuses.”

I look away, pouting. It’s the only thing I can do to stop the conversation. She’s my mom. She should be on my side. When I finally look back, she’s waiting patiently. This isn’t the first time, or ever the hundredth, I’ve used my deafness to ignore someone.

“I’ve sat here and heard you out,” she signs. “Now, you’re going to listen to me. Okay?”

I nod.

“When I met your dad, and I mean Kyle, not Grant, I was a poor, pregnant girl from Chicago who walked dogs to make ends meet.” She holds up a hand to stop me from cutting in. “I know you’ve heard some of this before. But it seems you need to hear it again. So listen.”

I sit back and cross my arms.

“He was a doctor, and I was on the run from an abusive husband. We came from totally different worlds, yet we had an instant connection despite all those differences. He had loving parents and a solid support system. At the time, I had no one. And then, when he stepped up, declared his feelings and practically swept me off my feet, newborn and all, I left him for all the wrong reasons. He’s the reason you’re here, Ellie. If it weren’t for him, I’d have probably miscarried in my dirty little apartment. He changed my life. But don’t get me wrong, this wasn’t just a damsel in distress story. I changed his life, too.”

Tears collect in the corners of her eyes as she recalls the story. “Don’t be me, Ellie. I almost lost him because I let my past control my actions. I was a stupid, stupid girl and threw away everything because… well, because I guess he loved me too much.” She shakes her head in disbelief. “And I just didn’t believe that over the course of a few short months, you could ever really know someone well enough to love them.”

---