Page 111 of Quiet Beautiful Things

Me: I know enough.

Ellie: You’re wrong. If you knew me well, you’d know I could never be with someone like you.

I look up, pissed that she’s holding my past against me after everything I’ve confessed. “Someone likeme?”

“You could never understand,” she signs.

I drive out a harsh sigh as a bad feeling surges through me. “Try me.”

She closes her eyes and looks away. There’s a war going on within her. And based on her body language, I fear it’s one I’m going to be on the losing side of.

She looks back at me and signs something that sets off a chain reaction inside me. My jaw tightens, my spine stiffens, and knots form in my gut. I glare at her, my eyes burning like hot embers. “Did you just say because I’mnot deaf?”

Her chin dips in a single affirming nod.

“What the fuck, Ellie?”

Then, as if to prove a point, she signs really quickly, going on and on fully knowing I can’t keep up.

I step forward and grab her hands. “Don’t do this. Talk to me.”

Ellie: I told you you wouldn’t understand. Hearing men never understand. We don’t belong together.

“So you’re going to end this because I said I love you? And then what, run back to that Seth guy—a guy you don’t evenwant? One who doesn’t make your heart pound and your panties wet whenever he’s around? What the hell is wrong with you?”

She takes a step back, offended.

I reach out and touch her arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean there is something wrong with you. I’m confused. I know you have feelings for me. The way you look at me. The way your body responds to me. You fucking love me, El. And you’re lying to yourself if you say you don’t. You’re using your deafness as an excuse not to have a relationship with me.”

“I’m not,” she signs as if completely offended.

“Bullshit. I think you clearly are. You need an excuse to end this because you’re afraid I’ll leave you like he did, aren’t you? Grant broke something inside you, and you don’t think you’re deserving of love or some crap like that. At least have the decency to own up to why you’re throwing this away.” I close my mouth, my lips in a thin line as I sign, “Are you getting this?”

Ellie: You’re wrong. It’s not about Grant. It’s about us. I can’t be in a relationship with a hearing man. Don’t you understand that our worlds are too different? You’ll want me to fit into yours and that’s not who I am.

“I know who you are. And I don’t expect anything of you.”

Her head shakes as she texts.

Ellie: You all say that. But eventually, you’ll want me to change. You’ll want me to speak.

“Are you kidding me?” I sign in frustration. I turn away for a moment to gather my thoughts then look directly at her as I speak. “Because I asked you months ago if you ever spoke, you’re holding that against me? It was a legitimate question. It wasn’t a demand. I don’t give a shit if you speak or not.”

“You will,” she signs.

“That’s so fucking unfair. You can’t presume to know what I will or won’t do.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to be deaf.”

“No, I don’t,” I sign. I need her to understand me word for word, so I use my phone again.

Me: You know what else I don’t know? I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. No matter how much you try to explain it, I’ll never fully understand what it’s like to have a period, have cramps, or carry a child. And you’ll never know what it’s like to get an erection, have a male orgasm, or get kicked in the balls. So we’re different. Who cares? Lots of people are. They come from different backgrounds, cultures, and ethnicities. Yet they still get together. How is this any different?

Ellie: You’ll forget I’m deaf. You already did once when you called me. Even today, I’m pretty sure you spoke to me on the floor. Am I right?

Shit. I nod guiltily.

“What did you say?”

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