Page 73 of Be My Reason

He takes the phone but instead of making the call hesends it flying into the wall. It falls to the floor, crashing into pieces. I know how it feels. My heart is shattering right now as well.

I back away, shocked and hurt by his words and actions. Tears are streaming down my face. He stares at his broken phone. Then he glances over the shards of glass and finally he looks up at me, studying my face and following the trail of my tears as they fall off my chin.He visibly takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly and I think he is calming down. I think he must see how out of control he is. I say a silent prayer that he will snap out of this and realize that in his paranoia, he has conjured up this entire thing in his head.

I’m not prepared in the least for what comes out of his mouth next.

“Him or me,” he says harshly, staring at me with cold, empty eyes.

“What?” I cry. “What are you saying?”

“Him or me,” he repeats. “Your choice. Do you want him or do you want me?”

“You!”I yell at him. “I want you. It’s always been you, Nate,” I say, trying to get through the wall that has come up between us.

“Then leave him.Buy him out. Do whatever it takes to get him out of your life.”

“Nate, that is crazy.He’s my partner, we have a legal contract. Plus, he’s my friend,” I beg.

“Him or me, Brooklyn,” he says flatly.

Oh my God. He is truly and honestly giving me an ultimatum. I close my eyes and my body slumps down into the couch. How can he expect me to choose between my business and him? Because that is what he is doing by asking me to choose him over Ryan. I would never ask that of him, it’s why I couldn’t ask him to stay with me in Savannah.

“If you love me,” I plead with him, “if you really love me, you won’t ask me to choose.”

He remains silent. I watch him stare blankly out the window of his apartment. My broken man, maybe he can’t be fixed. Maybe he is incapable of a relationship.Maybe I can’t live my life with a man who can’t trust me.

I turn and go to his bedroom and quickly put on last night’s clothes. Then I grab my laptop and still-packed bag and head for the front door.I turn to look at him. He hasn’t moved and he is still staring out the window. This is not the man I know. This is not the man I thought I loved.

As I reach out my hand to turn the handle of the front door he says, “So, you’ve made your choice then.”

Sobs threaten to billow from my body, tears stream down my face faster than I can wipe them away. My heart is being ripped apart, just like the one that is carved into his arm.

“No,” I choke out, “you have.”

Then I walk through the door and close it behind me.

ChapterTwenty-nine

I’m not sure how I made the ten-minute drive to Emma’s place. All I can remember is pulling over to lose the contents of my stomach into a ditch along the side of the road.

“Oh my God, Lyn!” Emma shrieks when she answers the door and sees my wrecked state. “What happened?”

I collapse in her arms and sink to the ground, my body shaking uncontrollably. I think Graham must have shown up at some point and carried me inside because I end up settled on the couch, covered by a blanket with a steaming cup of coffee in front of me. I look over at Emma who is patiently waiting for me to say something. She is rubbing her hand soothingly on my back.

I must look a complete and utter mess. I glance down at my wrinkled clothes that are dotted with wet tear stains. I reach up to wipe my eyes and see yesterday’s mascara smudged all over my hands.I run my fingers through the tangles in my hair. God, I must be a sight.

“That slimeball better look a might worse than you or I’ll kick his ass,” she says when she finally speaks.

I look at her and break my own silence. “Graham?” I ask, looking around their apartment.

“He went to Nate’s.I haven’t heard from him yet.” She places her hand on my arm to comfort me.

I spend the next few hours alternating between fits of body-wrecking sobs, telling her what happened and heaving over her toilet.

When Graham finally comes back, I see him shrug and slowly shake his head at Emma. The look in his eyes says it all. I can tell he feels sorry for me and I know what that means.

Nate is done with me.

I have to leave. I have to get out of here but Emma practically forces me into the shower. I guess I don’t blame her, I must smell like vomit. She then drives me back to Savannah in my car with Graham following behind in his SUV. The entire way I try to make sense of what happened. I know he has trust issues but how am I supposed to be with someone who will accuse me of cheating with every man I come in contact with? I try to convince myself that I have done the right thing. I love him, but I won’t let him or any man control me.

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