Page 65 of Be My Reason

Clarity. . . that is exactly what I need right now.

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I get up early to catch the sunrise, searching for that clarity that Emma assured me was here. I’m sitting on the beach trying to remember what drew me to Nate in the first place. Sure, it was hislooks; I mean I wouldn’t be fooling anyone if I said otherwise. And it was his kind heart. I can still see that sometimes, like when he takes me dancing in the rain, but it was also his confidence. Maybe that is what’s missing now. He is more than confident when it comes to his job and the rest of his life, but when it comes to me . . .

Why can’t he be more like Michael? Hell, even when Michaelhada reason to be jealous and lash out at me, he didn’t. Then I shake my head and laugh at myself, remembering a time when I wished Michael could be more like Nate.

I call Emma. She will know what to do. She always does when it comes to men.

“Lyn,” she says, after I’ve brought her up to speed, “these are two amazing men we’re talking about. Jealousy aside—because we both know why Nate has those issues—do you really think he would lie to you to try and get Ryan out of your life? On the other hand, do you think Ryan is even capable of doing what Nate claims? I mean, he’s like your new me.”

Who do I trust more? That is what she is really asking me. I want to trust Nate, I really do, but with all of his past issues, can I? Then there is Ryan, who not only knew my wishes for the shop from the very beginning, but who has been nothing but supportive of me and my relationship with Nate.

I say goodbye to Emma and decide to run it out on the beach, hopefully giving me a double dose of clarity.

I listen to our song. The words implore me to let him in, help him get past his insecurities, be his reason for becoming a better person. I know he wants to say these things to me and can’t. This song is his way of communicating with me when he feels defeated—just like when he texted it to me two years ago.

I want so badly to be his reason. I want to support and love him unconditionally. The fact that I can’t, may be the clarity I’m looking for. The realization stops me dead in my tracks. I’m five miles up the beach, but I walk back the entire way, unable to run through my tears. The tears that are falling because in the battle between my head and my heart, my head is winning.

When I near the hotel, I see a familiar face sitting on the beach. Ryan.

I walk over to him. “How—”

“Emma called me.” He looks down at the ground where his fingers have been digging up a hole in the sand.

Oh, no. Emma must have told him everything. “Ryan, I am so sorry.Nate has no business making such accusations. He is jealous of you and—”

“Lyn, listen to me,” he interrupts. Then he closes his eyes and lets out a long, slow breath—a sure sign that he is about to tell me something difficult.

“Please don’t hate me, Lyn.” He looks up at me again with guilty eyes.

Oh,God. He does want me. No, no, no, no.How could I have missed this?

“Nate was right. I was going to sell franchises of the bakery.” He winces and it looks like the words physically hurt coming out of his mouth.

“What?” I don’t know if I’m relieved that he doesn’t want me, or pissed that he was going to do the very thing that I told him I didn’t want when I took him on as my partner.

“What are you talking about, Ryan? You knew I didn’t want that from the beginning.” I shake my head in confusion.

“I know you didn’t. That’s why I wrote the contract specifically excluding any clauses pertaining to franchising. I came into this with that very intent, before I got to know you, before you became like family to me, so I made sure I could legally franchise, knowing I would screw you over.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.He was going to sell me out. Nate was right. “So you were playing me the whole time?”

“At first, yes.But these last few months, after I really got to know you, I realized I couldn’t mess with your dream. You are one of the most kind-hearted people I know, Lyn. So, I changed my mind and backed out of the deal I was negotiating.”

Nate was right.

“I never wanted you to find out about this. I thought I could throw away all of the paperwork and you would never be the wiser. I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t know how to tell you.” He looks ashamed. “I had no idea that when Nate came to my place a few weeks ago he saw the collection of contracts and negotiations laid out on my table that I was gathering up to throw away.”

Nate was right.

“Lyn, can you please forgive me? I promise I’ll stick to the contract. Hell, I’ll let you kick me out, buy me out, be a silent partner—whatever you need to make you trust me again.”

Nate was right. He was right all along. And I called him a liar. My chin falls against my chest as my eyes lower to the ground.“Ryan, all I can think about right now is that Nate was telling me the truth and I didn’t believe him.” I see him hurting so I add, “Honestly, I’m almost happy that this happened, because I was about to . . . I don’t know what I was about to do, but right now I can only thank you for being a back-stabbing slime ball.”

He laughs at me. “You’re welcome?” he says.

“I have to go. I have to get back to Nate.” I start to run back to the hotel.

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