Page 63 of Be My Reason

Suddenly, I’m jolted to a stop. Nate has stopped walking. I turn around to see why and find he has turned into a statue of a man. His face fallen, his expression blank, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide. I look behind me to see what he is staring at. I see a thin, beautiful and incredibly stylish woman walking towards us. She looks to be in her forties, maybe fifty.

“Nathan, my sweet boy!” she cries out with a French accent as she nears us.

I feel all the blood drain from my face when I make the connection.Iseeall the blood drain from Nate’s.

“No!” I hear him yell from behind me. He pulls me back to him and points a finger at the woman to keep her distance.

“Nathan. Please talk to me.” Tears are falling down her face. “Please, will you just give me a minute?”

A distinguished looking man in a three-piece suit comes up beside her. “Sophia, honey, are you okay?” he asks with concern. Then he turns to Nate and spits out, “What have you done to upset my wife?”

I hear a strangled cry from deep in Nate’s throat. He is squeezing my hand so hard I think my fingers have lost circulation. “Wife,” he says with a crackle in his voice.He clears his throat and continues, “Wife?” He looks at the man. “Did you know that yourwifeis a two-bit whore, putting her tits on display and sucking off any man with fifty bucks?”

The man looks like he might storm forward and plow down Nate. But then he looks at his wife and back at Nate and he must realize what the rest of us already know, the woman is Nate’s mother. “Nathan Riley?” he asks, looking over at us. All of the anger is gone and there is only compassion in his voice.

I look over at Nate and what I see is a broken seventeen-year-old boy. There is so much hurt in his eyes; so much rage. I see him struggle with his emotions. How confusing it must be to see your own mother after ten long years. He idolized her. She was June-freaking-Cleaver. Right up until she became the slut who ran the whorehouse out of her spa.

Without saying a word, Nate turns with me and walks us out to his car. His mom doesn’t follow us but she calls out to him the whole time. Once we are inside the car he lets out a breath but he still doesn’t look at me.I don’t know what to say to this beautiful man who was trampled on by the actions of his mother. I reach over and put my hand on his leg.

“Don’t,” he says, closing his eyes. “Just don’t.”

“Nate, I—”

“Goddammit, Brooklyn, I don’t need you telling me that I should talk to that woman.She is dead to me. She died the same night that I hurt you. She is the reason my life is so screwed up.” He sits in silence for a minute before continuing. “If it weren’t for her, I never would have left you, I never would have met Claudia and I sure as hell never would have lost baseball.”

I look at his face and see the glistening of tears in the moonlight. “Nate, that’s not what I—”

“Can we not talk about this?” he pleads.“Can you please shut the hell up about it?” He starts the car and peels out of the parking lot. Thank goodness we are only a few miles from home or I would genuinely worry about our safety with the way he is driving. I want to tell him I understand his reaction. That it is okay for him to feel this way. That I won’t push him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. But I don’t think he would hear any of it so I remain quiet.

He pulls up to the curb and reaches across my lap to open my door. I look over at him with unspoken questions.

“Out,” he says.

“But Nate—”

“Give me some goddamn space, Brooklyn.” He doesn’t look me in the eye.

I’m scared for him.Hell, right now I’m a little scaredofhim. So I do the only thing I can do, I get out of the car. “I love you!” I cry, as he pulls the door shut and squeals away.

What if he does something crazy? Is he leaving me? Oh, God, what if he gets into a car accident? I start to hyperventilate right here on the sidewalk when I hear, “What the hell happened, Lyn? I was going over this proposal when I heard a car peel out.” Ryan is standing over me.

He takes me back into the office and quickly puts some papers away in his desk. After I explain it to him, he tells me that he thinks I’m overreacting because of what happened to Michael. He says that Nate needs space to process seeing his mom and her new husband. And that I should give it to him but let him know that I’m here if he needs me.

All very good advice but it doesn’t keep me from thinking the worst. The bubble—it’s been popped. It’s had a razor blade jammed into its freaking heart. I feel so helpless. I wish he could talk to me instead of running away.

Running away. Just like I did. And Karma raises her ugly head once again.

Back in my apartment, I will my phone to ring with our song.I do this for hours until my eyes grow weary with sleep. When I can’t take it anymore, I send him a text.

Me: Nate. I’m here for you. I love you. B.

Chapter Twenty-five

When I open my bedroom door, I cansmell him—feel him even—before I see him. I walk right past where he is sitting on the couch without even a look in his direction. I get my cup of coffee and then I slam the door shut to my—our—room and then, because I’m so pissed at him, I lock it. I take longer than usual in the shower just to let him stew.

When I emerge from our room, Nate is sitting in exactly the same position as when I passed him almost an hour ago. I sit on the opposite end of the couch.When neither of us has spoken for what must be minutes, I finally say, “Is this how it’s going to be? You shutting me out when things get tough?”

His eyes close and he blows out a breath in frustration. “I couldn’t have you see me like that, Brooklyn.”

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