Page 58 of Be My Reason

Oh my God.

“Nate, my God, these are incredible,” I gush appreciatively.

“That’s only because you are my muse.” He leans over to kiss my cheek.

“It’s amazing the way you see me. You make me look so beautiful.” I blush.

“Brooklyn, you are beautiful. You just don’t see yourself that way. That’s one of the things I love about you.”

“One of the things?” I blurt out without filtering my thoughts.

Oh, crap.

“Yes, baby, one of the things.” He takes the sketch book out of my hands and places it on the night stand. He pushes an errant hair behind my ear and cups my face. He looks into my eyes, his deep blue irises dancing with passion and purpose. “There are too many to list . . . because I love everything about you.”

My heart jumps and I stop breathing.

“I love you, Brooklyn.” He rubs him thumb across my bottom lip. “I think I’ve loved you in some way since high school. I know I’ve loved you since Raleigh.”

I close my eyes and let the words sink in.He loves me. I think that this must be the most perfect moment of my life. I’ve had other note-worthy moments, but this one I want to remember when I’m a hundred years old.

I take in a deep breath. I smell Nate, with his manly scent mixed with fresh laundryand sex. I can hear his baited breath while he waits for me to speak. I can hear my heart pounding as it removes itself from my body and collides with his. I can feel the tingles of his touch as he glides his thumb over my lip. I etch the conglomeration of all five senses into a memory that will last a lifetime.

I open my eyes to see the man I have longed for since my youth.The man who waited for me even when he thought I was lost to another. The man that I hope to spend the rest of my life with.

“I love you, too, Nathan Riley.”

Chapter Twenty-two

Morning light starts to peek through my blinds.I try not to wake up Nate. He’s not used to getting up as early as I am. Our bodies are still entwined. His leg draped over my leg, my head on his chest, his arm over my waist. I go over last night’s events in my head, replaying them over and over, making sure I wasn’t dreaming. He said he loves me—everything about me. I never thought I would hear those words from a man again.

I was so sure that I was right about ending up alone and never taking a chance. He wore me down and I can’t even begin to tell him how grateful I am that he was so persistent. I’m still scared as hell about what the future will hold for us.I don’t know if I could stand it if he were to leave. And if he were taken from me, like Michael? I shake my head at the thought. Surely fate wouldn’t be that cruel.

His right arm is resting out to his side leaving his tattoo in full view for me to look at. As I wonder about the true meaning of his tattoo, I start to realize that I would feel the same way if Nate ever left me.I would feel like my heart was shredded and surely I would want to die. Is that what he was thinking when he got it?

I lean over to place a gentle kiss on his tattoo when I feel his other hand running up my spine, leaving a line of sparks tracing up my body. I quickly pull away from his arm.

“Morning, beautiful.” He leans up to kiss me, shaking his head because he caught me staring. Again.

“Morning yourself.” I smile down at him, guiltily wrinkling my nose.

“What is it, baby?” he asks, taking a piece of my hair and twisting it in his fingers.

“I was wondering about your tattoo,” I say sheepishly. “When you got it, did you . . . um . . . did you want to die?”

He takes a deep breath and lets it out while his eyes burn into mine. His hand comes up to run through his already messy morning hair and he bites down on his lip in contemplation.“No, Brooklyn. I didn’t want to die.” He turns us so that he is spooning me from behind. He is running his hand up and down my arm. “I was not in a very good place. I had just lost baseball and of course I had found out my marriage was a farce. Add all that to what happened with my mom and I was majorly screwed up.”

He kisses my hair before he continues. “I never should have married her. In the beginning, when we first met, she seemed to be the perfect girl.She liked what I liked. She went out of her way to make me happy. She was full of kindness and compassion. All of that changed in the months after we got married. It was all an act to reel me in. Hell, I didn’t even know that she didn’t want kids until after we were married.”

He wants kids? So many questions are running through my head but I try to remain still and quiet as this seems to be the best tack to take when he is in the mood to share information.

“My mom . . . she also went out of her way to make me happy. On the outside, she was the perfect mother. It was all an act as well.” I can feel him shake his head and sigh into my back. “Fucked up by two women. Apparently that is why I went rogue.”

I decide to chime in on his revelations. “You have quite the rare insight into yourself.”

“I should,” he admits. “I pay a goddamn fortune to my shrink.”

Oh, this is news. On the one hand, it surprises me that Nate would see a therapist. He seems like the kind of guy who would never go to another person with his problems. But then again, I’m relieved to know that he did. I wonder if that is why he stopped sleeping around. It explains why he seems so different than he was a few years ago in Raleigh. He doesn’t have as much anger in his eyes.

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