Page 50 of Be My Reason

I instantly start shaking. “Amanda, what did you just say?”

She looks at me funny, rolls her eyes and repeats, “Uncle Michael told me that I should come here and that if I did I would find my reason.”

My feet are frozen to the spot, my eyes locked on Amanda.Then I slowly look over at Michael’s headstone. I shake my head at it in wonder as song lyrics flash in my mind.

Be my reason . . .

My cause, my light

Be my reason . . .

My purpose, my life

‘Cause baby it was always you

You’re my reason

You’ve pulled me through

Michael didn’t know this song, did he? This is Nate’s song.

I look back at Amanda and find her looking all around.She looks at the ground, then up at the bench. She walks around his headstone with curious eyes. Then she looks at Janie and says, “I don’t understand it Mom, he told me to come here . . . but the only thing here is Lyn.”

I look at Michael’s grave.Tears are flowing from my eyes, blurring the perfectly etched dates that define his twenty-eight years on this Earth. I have never been a very spiritual person. I believe things are very black and white. But this—what is happening right now—could this really be . . . ?

I close my eyes and peace washes over me, through me.Everything I thought I knew to be true is replaced with the realization of what could be. What my life could be if I let the one person in that stole my heart all those years ago. I know it now. I know it for sure. I love Nate. I want him. I want him forever. Even if it means my heart will break one day. Even if he is not perfect. Because I know he isn’t perfect . . . he isn’t a perfect man. But he is the perfect man for me.

I whirl around and hug Amanda.This child has no idea why I’m crying, smiling, hugging and laughing. She must think I’m crazy. Janie laughs with me and says to Amanda, “Honey, I think you found exactly the reason.” She gives me a wink and whispers in my ear, “One day you’ll tell me what happened here, right?”

I nod at her. I have to go.I have to find Nate. I quickly say goodbye and turn back to Michael’s grave. I close my eyes and silently thank him. Then I laugh again because this was such a Michael thing . . . always looking out for others. I will always love him.

As I get into the car, I fish my phone out of my purse.Nine missed calls. There were two from Nate, one early this morning and another a few hours after. The rest were from Emma, my mom and Kaitlyn. I don’t have time to listen to them all. But there are two I have to listen to. I press in my code and listen . . .

“Brooklyn, where are you?What the hell do you mean you’re sorry? Sorry for what, sleeping with me, sorry for leaving? I just want to talk. Last night was incredible. I know you are scared. Please let me talk to you. Call me back. Please call me back.” He sounded frantic and worried and sad.

I am such a bitch.

His second call was hours later. “Brooklyn, I can only assume that since you haven’t called and you didn’t show up for work today that you want nothing more to do with me. Fine. I get it now. Graham will take my place on the job, so I guess you have finally gotten what you wanted. I’m leaving Savannah. I’m getting out of your life. Once and for all.” He pauses for a long time. “But, Brooklyn, when you change your mind. Don’t bother calling me. I’m done.”

Worried and sad went out the window. He was flat-out pissed. I have ruined everything. My shaking fingers dial Nate. It goes straight to his voice mail—a sure sign he has his phone off. He doesn’t want to hear from me.

In the car, driving way too fast back to the apartment, I dial Emma. “Lyn,”is all she says and then she is quiet.

“Emma.I was wrong. So wrong. I can’t explain now, I have to find Nate but he has his phone off. Are you with him? Can you ask him to please get on the phone?” I beg.

“Lyn.” She blows out a deep breath into the phone. “It’s too late, he is gone.”

Chapter Nineteen

“He left about fifteen minutes ago,” Emma says. “I told you he was leaving. And what do you mean you were wrong?”

“I don’t have time to talk.Is he going back to Raleigh? Did he head for the Interstate?” I ask frantically.

“I guess.Where else would he—”

I cut her off and throw the phone down.No time for that, I have to concentrate on driving. I’ll apologize to Emma later.

My phone rings but itis Emma, not Nate. I can tell from the ringtone, so I let it go to voice mail. For the first time, Iwantto hear that song.Our song. I’m willing it to start playing on my phone.

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