Page 46 of Be My Reason

The apartment is fairly dark. Only the kitchen light is on, sending shadows down the hallway. I brace myself for what I will see when I come around the corner to the living room. But then I see that it is just Nate. I look around quickly to make sure nobody else is here. He is sitting there holding a beer. He hears me come in but he doesn’t look at me. He looks behind me.

He thinks I’ve brought someone with me.

Relief washes over me. Relief washes over him.

He puts down the beer and leans forward so that his elbows are resting on his knees. Then he yells, “What the fuck was that all about, Brooklyn?”

“Me?” I yell back. “You are the one that kissed that skank and then left with her.” I look around and wave my hand at the empty apartment. “What, are you already done with her?”

He stands up and looks pissed. “Unbelievable!” He runs his hand through his hair. “You are the one who went on a date. What do you care what I do and who the hell I do it with?”

“Oh, so you aren’t denying that you brought her back here.I knew you didn’t change. You go and sleep with the first girl you see at the bar.”

“You slapped me, Brooklyn!” He kicks the couch with the heel of his foot. “I kissed you and you slapped me. You have no say in what I do if you don’t want me.”

He is right.I know he is right. But it doesn’t change the way my heart hurts right now. He brought a woman back here, to our apartment. The one we share and laugh at movies in. The one where I sneak into his room and smell his pillow and the one in which he steals kisses when he thinks I’m asleep. Why did he have to bring herhere?

“At least take your whores somewhere else,” I say.

“I didn’t bring her back here, Brooklyn!” he says in exasperation. “I didn’t bring her anywhere. We said goodbye in the parking lot.”

“But you kissed her.Right after you kissed me. Did you tell her that? Did you tell her that you kissed someone else two minutes before you put your lips on hers?”

“God, Brooklyn.Did you see the way you were dancing with that guy? You were practically having sex with him while everyone was watching. Don’t you think you are kind of a hypocrite for calling me out on a kiss?”

“I was only dancing with him that way because you had your hands all overSkanky at the bar.”

He laughs. “See? What is your problem? You want me. You were jealous. Why don’t you admit it and go out with me?”

“What?You are crazy. I donotwant you. You were the one who kissed me, remember?”

“Maybe it started out that way, but you didn’t seem to mind shoving your tongue into my mouth now did you?”

I pace the floor behind the couch. “I had been drinking and you took advantage. As soon as I realized what was happening, I slapped you. Or did you forget that part?”

“As soon as yourealized, my ass. Brooklyn, you were sucking off my tongue. You wanted me just as much as I wanted you. Why don’t you stop hiding behind your dead fiancé and admit it already?”

Oh, he did not just say that.

“You asshole!”I yell. I pick up a pillow and throw it at him. “This has nothing to do with Michael.”

“This has everything to do with him.He died. You loved him and he died.” He takes a deep breath and looks at the ceiling. “Butyoudidn’t die. You are still here. Why don’t you start acting like it?”

“You don’t know anything about me.” I point at him. “You think that a one-night stand ten years ago and a couple of weeks of watching movies together makes you an expert?”

“God, woman, you are driving me fucking crazy—”

“I’m not finished!” I walk up to him and put my finger in his chest. “Youare the hypocrite, Nate.Youare the one who got cheated on and then got a stupid tattoo because you were broken. You know what it’s like to be broken and yet you sit here and tell me not to be.”

We are both red in the face, breathing heavily and staring daggers at each other. And then, just like that, we lean forward and our lips crash together. We kiss so hard that I think my lips are going to bruise. He sucks on my lower lip, I lick his upper one. Then our tongues entwine as we explore each other’s mouths. We kiss until we can no longer breathe without breaking apart.

He takes a breath, but he doesn’t allow his lips to part with my skin.He trails kisses from the corner of my mouth down along my neck and up to that spot behind my ear. That same spot he found so long ago in the front seat of his pickup truck. He kisses me softly there. Then he licks me and blows a cool stream of air over it. “Brooklyn, you taste so good.”

“Mmmm.” My head falls back, giving him better access to my neck as he continues the trail of kisses until he covers every inch of skin from ear to ear. My skin tingles everywhere his lips have been. His hands are grabbing my hair, my hips, my shoulders, my back. They are wandering, touching, and squeezing like he can’t get enough of me; like he needs to touch every part of me all at once.

Irun my hands up his arms, around his broad shoulders, and over his back. I tug on his hair and a moan escapes him. He tries to pull away slightly, to look at me. But I don’t let him. I am afraid if we break the spell, I will run away and at this moment I don’t want to run. I want to take in every part of him, every touch, every feeling and I don’t want to think. I don’t want to think about what will happen after. What will happen next. I just want here and now.

He grabs my hips and lifts me up. I wrap my legs around him and he holds me up by my backside. My skirt rides up and my panties areall that stand between me and the fly of his jeans. The friction that results from us rubbing together is about enough to make me come.