Page 45 of Be My Reason

He finally looks over in my direction and tips his beer to me.Then he takes his hand and rubs it up her arm all the way to her neck and plays with her hair. The same way he played with my hair last night.

Hmmpf.Two can play at this game.

I look away, vowing to forget he is over there with Miss Throaty-laugh.I take a few steps towards Scott so that I’m right up against him and I start to move. I move slow and sexy. I close my eyes and attempt to forget about everything for just a minute and feel the music wash over me.

Scott responds immediately, grabbing my hips and moving along with me. “This is more like it,” he says, in a deep voice that should have me begging for more. His hands are rubbing on my hips. His chest is touching my breasts. His breath is on my face. This gorgeous hunk of man is mine for the taking and I don’t feel anything. Not one spark, not one twinge. Nothing.

But Nate doesn’t have to know that.So I pretend. I put on a show for all to see.

Scott twirls me around and pulls my back to his chest.I’m dancing against him with my hands over my head. He runs his hands up and down my ribs. He puts his hand on my stomach and pulls me hard against him—so hard that I can feel his erection growing into my back. This shocks me and I open my eyes only to lock eyes with Nate, who is now on the dance floor doing similar things with his partner.

I try not to think that maybe he has his own erection from the grinding his partner is doing up against him. She throws her head back so that she can see him and her tongue comes out to lick a place under his ear. He looks at me and a slow smile creeps up his face.Not the smile he has for me. This one is different. This smile screams ‘screw you’.

The walls are closing in on me. I can’t breathe. I feel bile coming up and burning my throat.I have to get out of here. “I have to run to the ladies room,” I say to Scott.

I bee-line to the bathroom so that I can splash water on my face and get myself together.Why am I falling apart over this? This is what I wanted to happen, for him leave to me alone and get on with his life. But every time I think about him moving on, my stomach ties in knots and my fists ball up. I want to stomp right back over there and tell his date to get out, that he is mine. Then I realize how ridiculous it is that I can even think of claiming him. It goes against everything I believe, everything I know to be true. Nobody can ever be mine again. Because I don’t deserve the right to claim anyone, and if I did, they would surely be taken away.

But in the hallway, before I can get to the bathroom door, something catches my arm and pulls me back. I turn and am smashed up against Nate’s chest.“What do you think you are doing?” I yell at him.

“Nothing that you aren’t, Brooklyn.”

“I’m leaving, that’s what I’m doing.” I turn to walk away.

He pulls me back to him and before I can protest, he takes my head in his hands and kisses me.He kisses me hard. He is claiming my mouth in a way that it has never been claimed. I’m instantly lost to the world. The music, the people around us, they all fade away and all I can feel is him and his hands on my face. He parts my lips with his tongue and when it enters my mouth and explores my own tongue, my body shivers. My insides melt like a snowflake in the summer sun.

He tastes just like I knew he would, just like I have remembered all these years. My mouth becomes angry with desire and I suck lightly on his tongue, drawing a moan from his throat that sends pulses straight to my core.

A door slams behind us, pulling me back into reality. What am I doing? This is wrong. We can’t do this. This will only lead to heartache. I push him away. My heart is pumping, my adrenaline flowing. I do the only thing I can think of that will end this.

I slap him.

Then I turn around and go into the ladies room.

I sit on the closed toilet and try to come up with excuses to leave this place.I can’t stay here. I can’t watch him with another woman knowing I can’t have him. I pull myself together and re-join my foursome who is now at the bar. I’m about to tell them I need to leave when the bartender brings a tray of shots. I contemplate them for a minute before I lift one to my lips. It burns when it goes down, numbing my throat along the way.

Numb. That will work.I grab another shot. Then I order more.

I don’t dance with Scott again.I don’t want to hurt Nate any more than I have. I only want him to get the picture and move on. Nate, however, doesn’t seem to be on the same page—the page about not hurting me—because right now, he is kissing the woman with the throaty, sexy laugh. He is kissing her with the very same lips that minutes ago were on mine. And he is watching me while he does it.

Then, just to add insult to injury, he whispers in her ear. She smiles, turns to pick up her bag and then they get up and walk out of the bar. My heart flops out of my chest and hits the floor. I sit and watch it get kicked around by people walking past me. A tear slips down my face. I quickly wipe it away, but not before Kaitlyn notices.

“Bastard,” she whispers in my ear. “Lyn, I’m sorry, I really didn’t think it was going to happen like this.This is all my fault.”

“Get me out of here,” I beg her.

It takes a while to get home—something about Scott having to go check on his sister. I don’t even care right now that I’m slumped against the car door, silently crying. Kaitlyn has explained what happened in the nicest possible way and the guys were both very understanding. Scott even asked me if he should go kick his ass.

By the time they drop me off, at least an hour has passed.I see Nate’s truck in the lot behind the bakery. I look around for another car. I don’t see one, but that just means she could have ridden with him. I contemplate sleeping in the bakery kitchen but I can’t think of anything to use as a bed.

I’m shaking as I put the key into the lock of the apartment.

Please be alone.

Chapter Seventeen

I try to make a lot of noise as I enter the apartment. What if they are having sex on the sofa?Oh my God, please don’t be having sex on the sofa. Or in the bedroom. Or anywhere.

I’m the one that started this mess.It is my fault this happened. Why didn’t I let things keep on going like they were? Why did I have to go and mess things up? We could have simply been friends. I’m such an idiot.

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