Page 40 of Be My Reason

“The dream. You know, the one where you moaned and called out my name?” He chuckles.

“I did not have any such dream,” I pout.

He gets up off the couch and heads to his room. “Okay, whatever you say.” He walks away. “So I guess I’ll try not to take offense that I smell like—what was it—fresh laundry?” He shuts his door.

Shit.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

What did I say in my sleep? Michael used to tell me that I would sometimes talk in my sleep but he could never understand what I said.I rack my brain trying to remember any dreams I had last night.

I make sure I don’t run into Nate again before work. I’m so embarrassed.I can’t imagine what he must think of me. The last thing I need is him knowing that I dream of him.

~~ ~

Today turns out to be one of those days you wish you would have stayed in bed all day. I lost a big catering bid.They said I didn’t have enough experience with major events. It’s true, I know. But how can we get experience with big events if nobody ever hires us for big events? I was really counting on this to put my name out there. Ryan will be upset. Before he left for Costa Rica, he thought we all but had this in the bag.

I run an extra few miles tonight tohelp me calm down. Nothing clears my head more than pounding the pavement while listening to music.

I almost trip on the sidewalk when a song comes on my iPod.A song that’s not on my playlist. A song I haven’t heard in over two years. ‘Be My Reason’. It was the last text he sent to me after Raleigh. Nate!Heput this on my playlist—the sneaky bastard. Yet, I don’t turn it off. I listen to every word.

Something inside me

Can’t rest until I find

The way to make it up to you

The way to make you mine

I know I messed up good

And that you should walk away

I have no right to ask

But I’m begging you to stay

Was he trying to say he was sorry for leaving me in high school? That he wanted to change his philandering ways after Claudia broke him? What I don’t understand is why he would go through all this trouble for me. Why me?

As I listen to the chorus, I think about what a friend he has been to me lately. He has done so much to ease the pain of Emma not being around. He comforts me repeatedly all while living in a city that he hates. Everything he has done has been for me.

Be my reason . . .

My cause, my light

Be my reason . . .

My purpose, my life

‘Cause baby it was always you

You’re my reason

You’ve pulled me through

And because I’m a glutton for punishment, I put it on repeat.

Chapter Fifteen

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