Page 32 of Be My Reason

“But that doesn’t really change anything. I’m not looking for a relationship.With you. With anyone. Ever. It’s not in the cards for me anymore. I’m sorry.”

“What?That is crazy. How can you say you won’t ever have another relationship? You are only twenty-seven years old. Besides, it looked like you were getting pretty cozy with that . . . Ryan was it? From last night.” He pulls away from me.

“Ryan is a very good friend.He is my partner at Brooklyn’s . . . remember, my bakery?”

“Partner?” he asks.

“Yes. An investor who is helping me to expand my business.”

“Partner,” he says again like he is trying out the word. “He didn’t look like your partner last night. More like your boyfriend.”

“He is not my boyfriend,” I say.

“Doesheknow that?”

“Of course he does!” I bite back. “It’s not like that. Besides, he has a girlfriend.”

“She must be very understanding. I saw you dancing with him last night.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Yes, she is. She is a nurse who works nights so Ryan and I hang out sometimes. As friends. She is cool with it.”

“How convenient,” he says.He looks pissed now.

“Whatever.” I get up off the couch. “I don’t have to justify anything to you, Nate. And as long as we are sharing, why don’t you tell me what the hell happened in high school?”

He holds up his hands in surrender.“Okay, fine. I don’t want to fight with you, Brooklyn.” He sighs. “That is a long story. One I don’t have time for right now. All I can say is that I was a young, stupid kid.” He runs his hand through his hair and stands up. “I have to get going back to Raleigh. But I’m glad we had this talk.” He smiles but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

I stare at him.He looks conflicted. I want so much for him to tell me what happened back then. I hate that it matters to me. I hate that I think about it all the time and wonder how things might have turned out differently. How maybe I could have been his wife instead of that Claudia. How my life wouldn’t be filled with guilt and shame if things had gone the way they were supposed to all those years ago.

“Yeah, I’m glad too.I’m sorry I thought so poorly of you and I’m sorry that your . . . wife . . . cheated on you. That must have been terrible.” I almost choke on the wordwife. I still can’t believe he was married. It still hurts a little, down deep, knowing that he chose someone else over me. Even though I did the very same thing to him.

I see a hint of his tattoo as the sleeve of his shirt rides up when he puts on his jacket.The all too familiar jacket from a few years ago. It’s the one he put over our heads in the rain that night. The night of the almost-kiss. I wonder what his lips would feel like on mine after all these years. Does he still taste of mint? Would he trail kisses up to that place behind my ear that drove me crazy at such a young age? Would it still burn like a hot trail of lava?

He reaches over and pulls my lipout from between my teeth, his eyes trained on my mouth. “Be careful what you wish for, Brooklyn,” he whispers.

I snap out of it. “Um. . .” I try to recover, rather poorly.

“Friends?”He holds his hand out to me.

“I don’t know about that.” I eye his hand. “But we’re getting there.” I smile weakly.

I place my hand in his and brace for the jolt that runs straight from the point of his touch all the way up my arm and into my chest, like a bullet moving at warp speed. It makes my heart pound and my breath hitch.

“I’ll see you, Brooklyn,” he says, as he pulls his hand away slowly and turns to walk out the door.

The door I stare at for minutes after he is gone.

Chapter Eleven

I’ll admit, it’s hard without Emma here. She is the one person that keeps me grounded. She calls me on my crap, tells it like it is and has pretty much kept me going through the bad times.

Although he is no replacement for Emma, Ryan and I have been hanging out. A lot. We get along extremely well, but without the are-we-going-to-hookup pressure. He and I have established somewhat of a sibling relationship. Maybe it stems from the fact that we are both only children. Whatever the reason, he looks out for me and I listen attentively to the stories of his adventures.

Ryan is an adrenaline junky.He is an entrepreneur by occupation, but a daredevil at heart. He will find a potential money-making opportunity, help it blossom for a year or so and then he will move on to the next venture, while his bank account continues to grow.

So, it seems I will lose him, too, after a while.In the meantime, he is loads of fun to hang with. He has taken me bungee jumping and surfing already and is talking about us parachuting from a plane. Eeek!

He is at my apartment this morning, waiting for Emma to tell him what boxes go to Raleigh and which ones stay here for her parents to pick up.

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