Page 28 of Be My Reason

The ring bearer and flower girl start their walk, followed by two of Emma’s sorority sisters and then Graham’s sister. When it’s my turn, I have to will my feet to move. This is Emma’s day, I remind myself. Don’t ruin it.

I start my procession down the aisle and vow not to look upto where Graham and his groomsmen are standing. I look at the guests sitting in the pews. I find my mom and dad and focus on them.

I have to close my eyes for a second to stop the tears that threaten, when it crosses my mind that this should have been my wedding. I should be walking down the aisle wearing white, not purple. And it should be Michael waiting at the altar.

I take a few deep breaths and open my eyes.Then I do it. Because, it’s just like that accident you can’t not look at. I slowly raise my eyes and move my glance from the carpet at my feet to the steps at the top of the altar. I see the matching shiny black shoes of many feet standing side by side. My eyes immediately find the pair of shoes just to the right of the first pair. I know they belong to Nate.

I take in the jet-black pants of the tuxedo and then the contrast of the white shirt, thin black tie and black jacket that hangs so gloriously on his broad shoulders. My heart is beating wildly and I’m sure those around me can hear it.

When my eyes meet his, my heart leaps out of my chest and slams into his.He is staring at me with his mouth open. I think I see him say, “Oh my God”.

Graham elbows him and smiles.

He is so handsome in the tux that I can’t look away. His hair is longer than it was a few years ago. It curls up at the ends, just like in high school. Those blue eyes jump out at me and I almost forget where I am.

The processional music changes to ‘Here Comes the Bride’. Emma was nothing if not traditional in her wedding planning. I snap out of it, drag my eyes away from Nate’s and finish my walk to the front.

I should be thinking of Emma right now as shewalks down the aisle, locking her eyes with Graham’s. But all I can think about is how I’m going to get through tonight withhimin the same room.Himin the same room looking all delicious in that tailored tux.Himin the same room with Candy—the porn star.

I shouldn’t care.

I silently vow notto care.

I am so screwed.

Thankfully, I’m able to pull off my maid of honor duties and I manage to get through the short ceremony without looking at Nate. However, when the minister pronounces them husband and wife and everyone claps, I can’t help but look at him.

He has a proud smile on his face and is watching his best friend kiss my best friend.He shifts his eyes my way and gives me the smile. That smile. The one that haunts my dreams.

Graham and Emma start their walk together back up the aisle.

Oh, hell.

This is what happens when you don’t have a rehearsal.I’m hit with the realization that I have to make the same walk with Nate. He walks to center stage and awaits me to join him.

My shaky legs are barely holding me up as I walk towards him.He, on the other hand, looks like confidence reincarnate and smirks at me. He holds his elbow out to me and I take it. After all, what choice do I have?

“Brooklyn,” he says in a whispered breath. Then he places his other hand over mine where our arms are entwined. My skin is on fire where he is touching me. There are little shock waves going through my body and I think it must be static electricity from my long dress dragging along the carpet beneath me.

My heart is pounding in my ears.My palms are sweating. My dress that fit perfectly just this morning is suddenly too tight and I’m having trouble taking in a breath.

We make it up the aisle and out the large doors after what is the longest thirty seconds of my life.

I shed a few happy tears with Emma. Then we are whisked away for pictures.

At the reception, we get through our toasts with a lot of laughs and a few more tears.

When I see ‘Candy’ seated next to Nate at dinner I shoot daggers at Emma who is laughing at mealong with Graham like they are sharing a private joke.

That bitch. Why didn’t she tell me?

Sitting next to Nate is the most adorable blonde-haired, blue-eyed little girl I’ve ever seen.Not a stripper. She looks just like him. His niece perhaps.

When I look at Nate, he is shooting daggers of his own, right into the man sitting next to me.

I had to bring someone. I knew I would see Nate and I didn’t want him to think I’m available. I’m not. Not to him. Not to anyone. Ryan was a safe bet. He and I have become close friends since I took him on as my business partner six months ago. He knows the boundaries. He knows my past. He has an incredible, understanding girlfriend. He is the perfect date for me.

I try not to watch Nate, but when I look over and see that he is away from his seat I find myself scanning the room to see where he is. I catch him dancing with his niece.Or rather I catch her standing on his feet while he is dancing. She smiles up at him like he is her hero. He makes her laugh and squeal little noises that only a six-year-old can make.

---