Page 27 of Be My Reason

Oh, God. This is happening. This is really happening.

I don’t let go of his hand.A doctor says something to Michael’s dad who nods his head. The doctor explains to all of us what will happen but I can’t see him through my blurry tears and I can’t hear him through the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.

His mom and dad walk around to the other side of the bed and his mom holds Michael’s other hand. His dad nods to the doctors.

They turn the heart monitor off first and immediately I put my head on his chest so that I can still feel his heartbeat.Don’t go! Don’t leave me!I scream in my head.

I hear someone flip a switch and the whooshing and whirring sounds cease. The door opens and some people leave. The room is so quiet.Almost peaceful. The only sounds are muffled sobs and sniffles.

His chest rises andfalls a few more times and then it goes still.

Breathe. I implore him.

His heart is still beating, although I can feel it slowing. It is lighter and lighter and as I feel him slipping away, I grip his hand harder.I put my other hand around him, under his back and mold myself to his chest. I want to become part of him, part of his body, part of his soul. I want to become one with him at this moment so that wherever he is going, whatever journey he is going on, he can take me with him.

Slower and slower now I hear the beating in my ear. . . then nothing.

Michael. . . take me with you.

Chapter Nine

Two years later . . .

“Emma, if you would have had a rehearsal, like every other bride, you wouldn’t be so freaked out right now.”

“I’m not freaked out, Lyn,” she says, while the hairdresser takes the super-large curlers from the top of her head, “I’m just excited. You know that Graham couldn’t take any more time off than the two weeks for our honeymoon. So we didn’t have a rehearsal. How hard can it be to remember in what order to walk down the aisle?” She points at me in the mirror. “Youare the one freaking out.”

“Am not,” I whine.Apparently I am a ten-year-old.

“Lyn, I understand.You haven’t seen him in almost two years. I know you are nervous even though you won’t admit it.”

I roll my eyes.“Whatever. Anyway, did you see the seating chart? Apparently the name of his plus one is Candy. What kind of name is that? Sounds like she belongs in a ‘Deep Throat’ movie if you ask me. Or maybe she’s a stripper.”

Emmalaughs at me and gives me a big smile while shaking her head. The large curls bounce over her shoulders. She is gorgeous. I mean, Emma is beautiful all of the time, but today . . . wow, she takes even my breath away. Graham is a dead man at the altar.

The altar.The place I’m going to see him again. Of all the places in all the world, it has to be at a freaking church altar that I see him.

I look at myself in the mirror. I love what the hairdresser has done with my hair.She has it up in a french twist with tendrils coming out all over. The make-up artist has transformed my face into something even I think is pretty. How does she use ten pounds of makeup but make it look like I don’t even have any on?

“Girl . . . we are hot.” Emma laughs. “The guys will have a full-on meltdown.”

“Who cares what I look like?You are the one that is hot.” I get a tear in my eye. “Emma, you are so beautiful and I’m so happy for you.”

“God, Lyn, don’t cry and ruin the makeup. And notalleyes will be on me.” She winks in the mirror. “I doubt Nate will even notice me after you walk down the aisle looking like . . . that.” She waves her hand up my body.

“Two years, Emma. It’s been two years and we have both moved on.I’m not interested in another relationship. Especially not with him. Plus he’s here with Cherry, Chicklet, or whatever her name is.”

“It’s Candy,” she reminds me with an eye roll.

Twenty minutes later I’m standing at the sanctuary doors. I’m trying my best to be supportive of Emma. After all, this is her big day. I just can’t help thinking about what will happen in about thirty seconds when I go through these doors.

“It will all be okay, Lyn.You’ll see,” she says, comforting me.

I’m the worst best-friend-slash-maid-of-honor ever.“I’m sorry, Emma. I’m the one who should be saying that to you.” I frown. “Emma, you are the best friend anyone could ever ask for and you deserve all the happiness you have found with Graham.” I pull her in for a hug, careful not to tug on her veil. “I’m going to miss you so much.”

“I love you too, sweetie.” She pulls away and pushes me towards the door. “Don’t worry, Thelma, we will still be seeing a lot of each other, even after I move to Raleigh.Now, let’s go get me married.”

The doors open and we line up to file into the huge room with cathedral ceilings that has been adorned with purple and white flowers.Flowers that match the dress I am wearing. The dress that Emma picked specifically because she thought it went so well with my dark hair. It swishes along the ground with its mini-train. I hope I don’t trip over my own feet trying to walk in it.

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