Page 82 of Engulfing Emma

“I know, baby. But this is different. I don’t want you to be—”

“Disappointed,” she says, finishing my thought. “I know. And I won’t be, I promise. I’m just curious.”

We arrive at camp and I nod to the door. “We’re here. We’ll continue this conversation another time.”

“That’s what you always say.”

I give her a kiss. “Have a nice day, Evelyn.”

She sighs in frustration. “Bye, Mom.”

On my way down the block, I wonder about my real motives for not taking her overseas. Yes, it’s true, I believe she’ll be disappointed if we go. But is that the real reason I won’t take her? Or is it strictly my fear of flying? In all honesty, it’s possible she could have grandparents who don’t know about her and would love to have her in their lives. Am I selfish for keeping her from that?

Squad 13 is pulling into the station when I arrive. Brett sees me but doesn’t have any reaction. No wave. No smile. Not even a cordial nod. When he jumps off his truck, I notice he’s covered with soot. My heart sinks. He’s not the one for me. If I think Evelyn will be disappointed when she meets the biological father who doesn’t want her, I can’t even imagine how she’d feel if she got attached to someone like Brett and then lost him.

He strolls over to me, raising his eyebrows as if to ask why I’m here.

I shove the bag at him. “I had extra, so I thought I’d bring them.”

“Okay, thanks.” He takes the bag and starts to walk away.

I panic. “I think I’m ready,” I blurt out.

He spins around. “Ready for what?”

I’m so stupid. He probably thinks I’m saying I’m ready to date. “To go up in the Empire State Building. You said you’d take me by the end of the month. Well, it’s almost the end of the month, and I think I’m ready.”

“Maybe Andy could take you,” he says spitefully.

“Brett, please. You started this.”

He takes a step forward. “Are you going to let me finish it?”

My insides turn over. “Are we still talking about tall buildings?”

“I don’t know. Are we?”

We stare at each other until Denver comes over and snatches the bag from him. “I was hoping you’d be back. We’ve missed your baking, Emma.”

“Enjoy,” I say.

“We sure will.”

“So …?” I say, chewing a fingernail.

He looks over toward Manhattan and then back at me. He pinches the bridge of his nose and I wonder if he’s having second thoughts about it. “When?” he asks, after what seems like a million agonizing seconds.

“How about now?”

“Now?”

I shrug. “No time like the present. Unless you need to get home to Leo, that is.”

“Bonnie’s with him. Give me ten minutes to change.” He looks at the dirt and soot caked on his hands. “Better make it twenty.”

For twenty minutes I think of all the horrible situations that could have put him in that state. What if one day his truck didn’t pull back into the fire house? What if he was trapped without a way out? What if—I think of Dad—what if the hero one day became the victim?

I pull out my phone and text Jake, accepting his invitation for a second date. Maybe there isn’t anyone who can make me feel like Brett does, but it’s not worth the risk. Maybe finding someonealmostas good is good enough.

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