Page 44 of Engulfing Emma

“Don’t even think about it, Hayes.”

He raises a brow. “Territorial, are we?”

“Just. Don’t.”

I go to the locker room to change clothes, and realize that for the past week, I haven’t stopped thinking about her. Even when I was working on the car the other day with Jay, all I wanted to do was tell her how great it was. Jay really got into it and was excited about fixing it up with me. His mom called me later that night and told me she already saw some changes in him. He even asked her to buy him a model car kit—something he hadn’t done since before his father died.

I felt such a sense of accomplishment, and all I wanted to do was tell Emma.

Five minutes later, I’m crossing the street. Emma stays seated on the bench, so I join her.

She’s quiet and contemplative. “What are you thinking?”

“Isn’t that what women say after sex?” she says with a giggle. Then she turns a deep shade of red. “I mean, not that I wanted, or we were … oh, God, you know what I meant, right?”

I laugh. “I know a joke when I hear one. I only asked because you looked deep in thought, and I wondered if you were having second thoughts about this whole thing.”

She looks confused.

“You know, about going into the school.”

“Oh, right.” She shakes her head and rolls her eyes, making me wonder just whatthingshe was thinking of. “I feel like such a wimp. Everyone else has been back to the school, even Becca. Everyone but me.”

“You’re not a wimp.”

“I have nightmares about it,” she says sadly.

“I’ve had a few myself. But that’s nothing new. In this job, it goes with the territory.”

I don’t tell her that one of those nightmares was about her. About Kenny Lutwig shooting her because I was stupid and riled him up. I watched her die at my feet, unable to save her because the blood was used up. I woke up sweating so badly, I had to change the sheets.

“I haven’t had nightmares like this since my dad died,” she says.

“I had a lot after my mom died, too.”

“Did you dream about her dying in the south tower?” she asks.

“Actually, no. I dreamed of her coming into my room the morning she left. Then I dreamt of her getting hit by a car or drowning. It was always something different. My dad never shied away from letting me watch the 9/11 footage, so I knew exactly how she died, but I never saw that in my dreams.”

“We watched it on TV, too,” she says. “But after the first tower collapsed, my mom made someone take me out of the room. I never saw another minute of coverage. To this day I turn off the TV if they start talking about it. Unlike you, I always had the same dream. He tells me everything happens for a reason and then walks into the south tower right before it collapses.”

“Wow, that’s prophetic.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still waiting to find out the reason.”

I take this opportunity to tell Emma about Jay and the old Mustang. “I thought I’d fix it up and give it to Leo one day, but now I have the feeling that maybe the reason I’ve had the car all along is for Jay.”

She looks at me pointedly. “Talk about prophetic.”

“I don’t know. It’s just been on my mind a lot lately.”

“You want to give the car you’d been saving for your own son to a stranger?”

“He’s not such a stranger anymore. I feel a sort of bond with him. And somehow I sense he needs that old car more than Leo ever could.”

She studies me for a second. “You’re really something else, Lieutenant.”

“I’m just trying to help a kid who went through what we did. It’s no big deal.”

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