Page 39 of Engulfing Emma

“I was only gone for two weeks.”

“But it felt like forever. I don’t know what I’m going to do when you go off to college.”

She looks at me with crazy eyes. “I’m twelve. We have plenty of time to get used to that idea.”

“I know. It just seems like only yesterday I was bringing you home from the hospital.”

She nudges me. “You always say that.”

“It’s always true. Wait until you have a child of your own.” I lean on an elbow and give her a hard look. “Which should be in no less than fifteen or twenty years.”

Evelyn laughs. “Don’t worry. I’m not going to repeat your mistakes.”

I brush a stray hair behind her ear. “I have never once thought of you as a mistake. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.”

Her smile becomes a frown.

“What is it, sweetie?”

She looks over at her dresser. On it is the only picture she has of her father. Actually, it’s a series of pictures of the two of us from one of those photo booths at the mall. My God, we were so young. I was only a few years older than Evelyn is now.

She shrugs.

I sigh, knowing what’s on her mind. Every so often she brings up the idea of finding Stefan. She’s even suggested going to Germany. I understand the urge. I’ve tried to put myself in her shoes, and I guess I’d want the same thing. But he’s too far away, and I wouldn’t even know where to start. What keeps me from putting more effort into it—other than the fact that I don’t fly—is that I don’t want her to be disappointed. What if we found him and he rejected her? I don’t see it turning out any other way. If he’d wanted to be part of her life, he would have contacted me a long time ago.

She says, “Hey, aren’t you going to be late for Taco Tuesday?”

“I can skip it and stay home.”

“Grandma’s here.”

“Yes, but I can skip it if you want me to.”

She shakes her head. “It’s important for you be with your friends. You don’t want to disappoint them.”

I study her, thinking, not for the first time, how she is like a grown woman in a child’s body. My feisty daughter is wise beyond her years. Sometimes I wonder who is parenting whom in this relationship. “I don’t want to disappointyou.”

“You could never. You’re the best mom I’ve ever had.”

We both laugh.

“Besides, Grandma said she’d make popcorn and watchDivergentwith me again.”

“Aren’t you getting tired of that movie?”

“It’s a cinematic masterpiece, Mom. Don’t diss my favorite movie of all time.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it, sweetie.” I kiss her and hop off the bed. “Don’t wait up.”

“Be safe,” she says. “Make wise choices.”

I laugh. “Yes,Mom.”

~ ~ ~

Becca and her boyfriend—fellow teacher, Jordan—are already sitting at a large table when Lisa, Kelly, Rachel, Michelle and I walk in and join them. Jordan is the only man who comes to Taco Tuesday. He’s only one of a handful of male teachers at our school. We’ve asked others to come, and some have tried over the years, but none of them stuck with the group as the seven of us have.

“What’s up with Becca?” Lisa asks. “She’s practically bouncing out of her chair.”

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