Page 29 of Engulfing Emma

When we turn the final corner, and I see Shettleman’s Grocery and the school, my legs buckle. Brett holds onto me and helps me to a nearby bench. “Put your head down near your knees. Remember the breathing we did last week, when I had you count to five? Let’s do that now.”

As I calm down, my heart rate slows. Especially when he runs a soothing hand up and down my back. But then it beats faster for an entirely different reason.

“I’m proud of you for making it this far. We’ll sit here and look at the school today. Maybe next time we’ll cross the street. You don’t have to do everything at once.”

I let out a sigh of relief. He gets me. This big, tough fireman who saves dump truck drivers and confronts lunatic gunmen, thinks it’s okay that I can’t walk into the school yet. “Next time?”

“My next shift is on Monday. I have Tuesday off. I mean, if you’re free.”

“Tuesday sounds great. I’ll bring scones.”

He laughs. “You’re going to spoil us.”

Then we just sit. We don’t even talk. We gaze at the school across the street.

So many things could have happened differently that day. What if I’d been quicker about cleaning up my classroom? I’d never have gotten caught up in everything. What if I’d moved the cart fully out the door? Then maybe Carter wouldn’t have gotten shot.

What if the gunman had never robbed that store? His name, I read in the paper, is Kenny Lutwig.

What if none of it had happened? I’d never have met the man sitting next to me.

Maybe everything happens for a reason, my father says in my head. He was a huge believer in fate, or destiny, or whatever. Maybe the way he met my mom had something to do with that attitude. They met when a dispatcher sent his company to the wrong address when he was a probationary firefighter.

Every time something bad happened to me, he would try to find the good in it. I fell off my bike and sprained my wrist when I was five, and I met Julie Kirkland at the emergency room. She had fallen off her bike too. It turned out she lived just a block away, and we became fast friends. Dad always reminded me that if I hadn’t fallen off the bike, I never would have met her.

When I was seven, Mom lost her job. She was devastated. She was a sales rep for a pharmaceutical company. When she couldn’t find a similar job, she volunteered at local charities. Twenty years later she is the chairperson for one of the largest charities in the city. I can almost hear Dad saying, “I told you so, sweet pea.”

“What is it?” Brett asks. “You look like you want to say something.”

I shake my head. “Nothing. It’s just that … life is strange.”

He laughs again, and I realize how much I like hearing him laugh. “That it is,” he says, smiling at me.

And as he looks at me, I’m left wondering if he, like my dad, believes in destiny.

Chapter Eleven

Brett

I’ve never looked forward to being on a shift as much as this one. Specifically, gettingoffthe shift, because Emma will be here. With scones.

But it’s the not the scones I’m excited about.

For the first time in a long time, I’m interested in a woman. I find it hard to sleep in my cot just thinking about her.

Amanda and I were together for eight years. We dated for three, were married for five, and were separated for the better part of this last year before our divorce became final. I have to go back to when I was twenty-one to remember what it was like to be with someone other than my ex-wife.

The last girl I dated was named Kristin. She was the daughter of my captain at the time. I had fun with her at first, but she became needy and clingy. I wanted to ditch her, but she was the captain’s daughter. In hindsight, I never should have dated someone related to one of my superiors. It took months to get rid of her. I tried to become a boring person that no girl would want to hang out with. It was torture. I never went out. I watched mindless television. I took her to the same cheap, Italian restaurant when we went out to eat. Eventually she broke up with me as planned. The next week, a friend introduced me to Amanda, and I thought I’d hit the jackpot.

Oh, how wrong I was.

I try not to be too bitter. I did get Leo out of the deal. If I’d never met Amanda, he wouldn’t exist. So I can’t begrudge that relationship.

I smile, thinking of the tiny person who is the best part of my life. I love how curious he is. I love his passion. His wit.

Would he like Emma? He tends not to like most women. Apart from Bonnie, he’s around men most of the time. My friends. My coworkers. Leo is at the firehouse so much, he’s our unofficial mascot. I wouldn’t be surprised if he followed in my footsteps and became a firefighter.

I think about what it would be like to have a woman in my life. In Leo’s life. Emma has a child, so I know she likes kids. And she seems compassionate. She fought hard to save Carter.

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