Page 151 of Engulfing Emma

“It’s a public bench,” I say. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see the captain.”

Turns out some paperwork was filed incorrectly about a call we went on last week, so me and the other guys from Squad have to clarify things. It takes longer than expected, which is fine by me. I’m not in any hurry to leave today.

I don’t want to see her. I’m trying to move on. It’s hard. Even with a girl as great as Holly Greene, who’s pretty and funny and amazing by most standards. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull the trigger. Every time I looked at her, I wanted her to be Emma. Every time she touched me, I felt guilty, like I was cheating on Emma. Cheating on a woman I’m not even dating. But in my mind, the fact that I’m in love with her was enough to make me feel that way.

I take my time getting ready to leave. In fact, I’m the last one from my shift to go home. But when I exit the garages, I find I didn’t take long enough. Emma is still sitting across the street.

I have two choices here. Ignore her or talk to her. I’m mad at her, but not mad enough to be a total douchebag. So I cross the street and stand in front of her.

“I deserved that,” she says. “What you said to me in there. I deserved it.”

I look at the ground. “Why are you here, Emma?”

“Did you hear about the call the other day? At my school?”

“Yes. Did you know him?”

She nods, looking like she’s trying to hold back tears. “It was Jordan. Becca’s husband.”

“Oh, shit,” I say, taking a seat on the bench next to her. “I’m sorry to hear that. They told me he pretty much died on the way to the hospital, but the doctors still tried for over an hour to revive him.”

“It was horrible,” she says, examining her hands. “There was so much blood.”

“You werethere?”

“Yes. And I felt completely helpless.”

“There’s nothing you could have done,” I say. “There’s nothing anyone could have done. Not even if a skilled physician were there when it happened. He was gone as soon as he hit the floor, Emma.”

“I’ve done nothing but think about it for the last thirty-six hours,” she says. “He wasn’t doing anything dangerous. He was walking down a hallway and slipped and fell. How screwed up is that? One minute he and Becca were getting married and now she’s planning his funeral. He was ateacher. He was supposed to be one of the safe ones. I can’t help feeling I was wrong. That I’ve been wrong all along. About everything. I was so stupid. I just … I just …” She starts crying.

I want to take her hand so badly. I want to comfort her. But I don’t. “It’ll be okay.”

“Can you let me finish?”

“Sorry. Go ahead.”

“I …” She looks at me, tears streaking her mascara.

“You what?”

“I just … love you, that’s all.”

I’m not sure I heard her correctly. I narrow my eyes at her. “You what?”

“I … I love you, Brett.”

I lean back. “That’s what I thought you said.”

“I tell you I love you, and that’s all you’re going to say?”

“What do you want me to say, Emma? As I recall, when I said the same thing to you, you walked out of my life.”

“I was wrong to do that. This whole thing with Jordan was a wake-up call. I want to go back to how we were before any of that happened. Those were some of the happiest weeks of my life.”

“But what about next time? Are you going to run out on me every time I have to go into a fire?”

Her eyes close, and she takes in a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s going to be hard, but being without you was even harder.”

---