Page 149 of Engulfing Emma

Twenty minutes later, she’s back with a cup of steaming chamomile tea.

“What did you tell Evelyn?” I ask.

“The truth. That one of your best friends lost her husband today, and you’re very sad about it.”

I sip the hot tea, then sit on the chair in the corner. “Oh, Mom. They were perfect together. And then he slipped and fell and now he’s gone. Why did this happen?”

She sits on the arm of the chair and sighs. “Sweetie, you know better than anyone that there isn’t an answer for that. Life happens. Death happens. And no matter how hard we try, we have no control over it. And it’s useless to live our lives in a way that we think we can.”

I know exactly what she’s trying to say. I get up and go to the window, putting my palm against it. I look out into the street just as the streetlights come on. I gaze into Brett’s house. Bonnie is playing with Leo.

“How can Brett survive a massive fire while Jordon dies walking down a hall?” I look at her. “Did I screw up?”

“No, sweetie, you didn’t. You did what you thought was best for you and Evie. But it’s nothing you can’t fix. It’s not too late. But one day, it will be.” She crosses to my bedside table and touches the picture of my dad. “I wouldn’t give up the time I had with your father for anything. Even if I had known what would happen to him, I still wouldn’t change a thing. He was—is—the love of my life.”

I go over to her and stare at his picture, and it’s as if everything I ever thought or felt changes in an instant. Big tears escape my eyes. “I’ve been a terrible daughter.”

“Nonsense. You’re a wonderful daughter.”

I shake my head. “Not to you. To Daddy. I’ve blamed him. All this time, I’ve blamed him for leaving me.” I sit next to her on the bed. “I was so wrong, and I’m so, so sorry.”

She wraps her arms around me. “Shh. It’s okay. He knows you love him.”

“How?” I say. “How can he know when I never go see him?”

“Oh honey, he knows. Believe me.”

When I’m all cried out, I straighten and try to gain some resolve. “I was wrong about a lot of things,” I say, looking over at my window.

She smiles at me. “I was wondering when you’d come to your senses.”

I return to the window, then immediately hide behind the curtain when I see Brett on his front porch, talking with a woman. A woman who gives him flowers.What kind of woman brings a man flowers?

My forehead meets the wall as I curse myself.

“What’s wrong, honey?”

“It looks like I may be too late.”

She goes to the window and looks out.

“Mom!” I pull on her arm. “Don’t stand there. He’ll see you.”

I run over and flip off the light, then look out the window again. Brett is dressed up in khakis and a button-down shirt, and the woman is wearing a pretty dress. Definitely a date. He stashes the flowers somewhere in his foyer and then waves to someone inside—Bonnie and Leo, I presume. Then he motions for the woman to lead the way down his front steps.

They stroll down the street, smiling and conversing comfortably. When she throws her head back in laughter, a spear goes through the center of my heart.

When they’re out of sight, Mom grabs me by the shoulders. “You know what I would do in this situation?”

“Bake?”

She laughs. “Yes, but I was thinking more along the lines of a grand gesture.”

“You don’t think it’s too late?” I ask.

She shakes her head. “No. I don’t. Now, come downstairs and get a hug from your daughter. I think you need one after the day you’ve had.”

I do what she says. And she was right. She was right about all of it.

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