Page 132 of Engulfing Emma

“They’re airlifting people off the roof,” Ivy says. “But the winds are high, so the helicopters can’t land. They have to take people one at a time.”

“I have to get back to the TV,” I say, standing.

I look at the family pictures on the foyer wall, focusing on the photo taken of my parents the day they got married. They look so happy. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and have a hard time catching my breath.Oh, God. I’m my mother.Did she feel like this that fateful morning when we watched the twin towers burn? I remember her trying so hard to keep it together. For me. She couldn’t let me think she was scared. But I know she was. How could she not have been?

I hope my mother doesn’t know about this. I would hate for her to think about that horrible day. But she’s at the Connecticut office today, so maybe news hasn’t traveled that far.

“What about Bass?” I ask Ivy when I’m back on the couch. “He must be okay if you’re here.”

“Everyone from Engine 319 is below the fire,” she says. “Squad 13 are the only ones still up there. I think he said there are firefighters from neighboring firehouses up there too.”

“Are they communicating with Brett? They must be, right?”

“I’m sure they are, but that’s all we know right now,” Sara says. “Denver said he or Bass would try to give us an update the next time they break for a drink.”

I laugh maniacally.“Break for a drink?Brett and the others could be dying, and they are going tobreak for a drink?”

Ivy puts an arm around me. “They are forced to, Emma. They have to hydrate every time they come out of the building. They can’t risk collapsing in that heat wearing the heavy turnout gear.”

“I know. I’m sorry. Of course they need to drink. It’s just … what if he can’t? What if Brett gets dehydrated and falls down because he doesn’t have any water and it’s too hot? What if he runs out of air and it’s too smoky? What if …” —I look at the TV and am nauseated— “What if the building collapses?”

I run to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before I retch up tacos and margaritas.

Sara follows me. She holds back my hair and offers me a hand towel when I’m done.

I sit on the cold tile floor and lean against the wall. “This is what it’s like, isn’t it? Dating a firefighter. I knew I shouldn’t get involved. I was crazy to think it would work out.”

Sara sits next to me. “This isnotwhat it’s like. Things like this almost never happen.”

“Well, it’s happening now.”

Ivy comes to the door, holding out my phone. “It’s your mom.”

She never calls me from work. She knows something.

“Hello?” I ask, trying not to sound like I’ve been crying for the past two hours.

“Hey, sweetie. How are you doing?” She sounds cheery but guarded.

“You know about the fire, don’t you?”

“Yes, but I didn’t know if you did, and if you didn’t, I didn’t want to alarm you.”

“Well, I’m alarmed,” I say, crying. “He’s inside, Mom. He’s trapped above the fire floor.”

There is a pregnant pause and she sighs deeply. She’s no doubt thinking of my dad. “What about the helicopters? I’ve seen them airlifting people.”

“He’s a firefighter. You know as well as I do Brett will be among the last to be rescued. But what if there isn’t time?” My last words come out in a sob.

“Sweetie, there will be time.”

“But what if there’s not?”

She doesn’t know what to say, because whatisthere to say? “I’m on my way home.”

I get off the floor and return to the living room. “You shouldn’t have to watch this.”

“That’s not your decision to make, sweetie. I’ll be there in an hour.”

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