Page 94 of Sparking Sara

Donovan encouraged me to take the subway home today, but I wasn’t up for the stares I knew I’d get when I’d have trouble getting on and off the train or standing up from my seat. After all, I was going solo today. With Denver on a shift, I was left to make my way to and from rehab by myself. Not that it was difficult or anything, it’s just that without him there as a buffer, the world seems too focused on me and what I can’t do.

When Denver is with me, the focus is always on what Icando. He’s good like that. Never dwelling on the negative. And while I can tell Oliver is trying to do the same, I see the way he stares at me when he thinks I’m not looking.

But just like Denver said he would, Oliver is growing on me. He slept on the couch for the third time last night without a single complaint. And we cooked dinner together, not burning a single thing. I even found myself laughing at some of his tales of our adventures. Still, sometimes I feel like our relationship is being forced. By him. By me. By circumstance.

I walk into the bedroom, trying not to feel the loneliness that’s creeping up on me once again.

I lie on the bed and turn on some music, one of the CDs Denver gave me. I feel my lips turn up into a smile when my mom’s favorite song comes on: “Kokomo.”

I pull out my blank journal and write three words on the first page.

I miss you.

I stare at the words for a long time, trying to figure out the meaning. Who exactly do I miss? My parents? Denver? Me?

When the intercom buzzes, announcing a visitor, I turn off the music and stash the journal in my nightstand.

“A Ms. Walker to see you, ma’am,” the doorman says.

Tears instantly flood my eyes before I answer. “Please send her up.”

Two minutes later, I’m opening my door and pulling Lydia into a tight hug. She’s reluctant to hug me back, but I don’t let that stop me. Maybe Lydia is who I’ve been missing. My best friend. My confidant. My partner in crime.

“Oh, Lydia. I don’t know what I did, but whatever it was, I’m so so sorry.”

I can sense the tension in her body easing as she finally returns the hug. “I’ve missed you, Sara.”

I feel the protrusion of her belly and step back to look between us. “You’re pregnant!” I tug on her hand, leading her inside. “Oh my gosh. I’ve missed so much. Tell me everything.”

I fetch Lydia a bottle of water but opt for something a little stronger myself. Then over a glass of wine—from aregularglass, not that pretentious gold-rimmed one—Lydia fills me in on her life. By the time she’s finished, I feel like I have my friend back.

“You have no idea how happy I am that you came over,” I say.

“Me too,” she says, wiping another tear. Both of us have shed several over the past hour. “I almost didn’t.”

“They tell me you came to the hospital once. I wanted you to come back, but I didn’t know how to ask after how I must have treated you. What made you finally decide to reach out?”

“Your friend Denver kept calling me,” she says.

“He did?”

She laughs. “He’s been badgering me for days. I figured I’d show up just to get him off my back.”

“He is persistent,” I say, shaking my head.

“Well, I’m glad he is or I wouldn’t be here.” She glances around my apartment. “So, tell me all about Oliver.”

She waits for my reply, but when I don’t say anything, her hand covers her mouth. “Oh, Sara. I’m sorry. I forgot that you don’t even really know him.”

“That’s okay,” I say, putting a hand on her arm. “Oliver is”—I try to come up with a way to describe him—“charming.”

Her eyebrows shoot up and I can tell she’s not satisfied with my answer.

“He’s nice,” I add. “He’s giving me space to acclimate back into my life. He’s not being too pushy. Then again, sometimes I don’t think he pushes me hard enough.”

“How do you mean? Like, are you guys intimate and stuff?”

I find it hard not to smile. I love how Lydia already feels comfortable enough to pry.

---