Page 32 of Sparking Sara

“Talk to people. Talk to me. Your sister. A psychiatrist, maybe. Because talking about it will eventually help you to realistically deal with how it feels when you can’t save everyone, which may be what is holding you back when it comes to performing your job.”

“But what about Sara?” I ask.

“Are you hurting anyone by sitting with her?”

“No.”

“Are you avoiding any responsibilities?”

“I don’t really have any responsibilities outside of work.”

“Do you have any unusual expectations about what will happen when and if she gets better?” he asks.

I narrow my brows at him. “What do you mean?”

“I mean if she gets better and walks out of this hospital and out of your life, are you willing to accept that?”

“Of course I am. That’s all I want for her. It would be incredible if that were to happen.”

“And do you feel guilty about sitting with her?”

“No. I feel guilty when I’mnotsitting with her.”

“Let’s go back to my earlier question. Do you still need someone to tell you that it’s okay to sit by Sara’s side?”

I shake my head. “No. So, uh …”

“What is it?” he asks.

“Do you think I’ll be okay someday, you know, if I just talk about it?”

“I do. Just make sure you talk about it with people who can listen to you and not judge you. Someone you trust and who you can be honest with. And you’re already making progress. You helped Sara at the accident. You didn’t freeze up. You climbed into the back seat of the car and did your job.”

“I threw up,” I remind him.

“You did. But did that stop you from doing what you needed to do?”

I shake my head.

“It’s a step in the right direction. That’s all you can hope for, small steps.”

I push my chair back and stand up, offering him my hand. “Thanks, Marcus.”

“Anytime,” he says. “I mean that. You have my number and can use it day or night. And if it’s not me, make sure you find someone else to talk to.”

“I will. Thanks.”

“Can I walk you out?” he asks.

“No. I’m headed back up to the sixth floor.”

“Give Sara my best wishes.”

“Will do.”

In Sara’s room, I put my coat back on and take a seat next to her bed. I think about what Marcus said about me needing to talk to someone who will listen but not judge. Well, who better than the woman lying in this hospital bed?

For the next few hours, I talk to her. I tell her what Marcus told me about me putting myself into a position to save people because I couldn’t save my parents. I tell her more about my childhood. About my being a cop. About Kendall. About Aspen and how she came to marry a baseball star.

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