Page 66 of Stone Vows

“Okay,” she says, kissing the baby’s head before the nurse takes her away.

Then Elizabeth falls asleep. It’s not unusual for that to happen. After the excitement, the epidural, the emotional drain of meeting your child for the first time. Dr. Redman finishes her job, and then I finish mine, taking extra time to make every stitch perfect.

But then my job is done. It’s not my job to take her back to her room. It’s not my job to be there when they bring her the baby. I’ve got other patients. Lots of other patients, thanks to Dr. Redman’s renewed confidence in my abilities.

And when I scrub out, all I can think about is how I’m going to get through the next few hours without seeing her. Seeingthem.

~ ~ ~

The past four hours have felt like some of the longest of my life. Seconds were like minutes. Minutes like hours. Every hour felt like an eternity.

When I finally get a break from my other patients, I make my way to her room. I stand in the doorway, mesmerized by what I see.

Elizabeth has the baby propped up on a pillow on her lap. She unwraps her daughter’s blanket and silently counts every toe. She wraps her back up and then moves to her fingers. I smile, wondering how many times over the past hours she’s done the same thing.

She lovingly strokes the baby’s cheek, lulling her back to sleep.

Tears roll down Elizabeth’s face as she admires her daughter.

I have to swallow my emotions as I watch the love emanating from her.

I wondered. For weeks now, it has seemed like Elizabeth was in denial. She never wanted to talk about the baby. Never wanted to plan for it. Sometimes I wondered if she really even wanted it. But now that I see them together, I wonder if she was just scared to become a mom. A single mom, no less.

My pager beeps, alerting Elizabeth to my presence in her doorway. I make sure the page is not emergent before going in.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asks.

“That you were having a girl?” I say, walking to her bedside.

She shakes her head, more tears spilling from her eyes. “That I would fall in love with her,” she says. “Why did I ever think I didn’t want this?” She brushes her thumb across the soft skin of her daughter’s cheek. “I was made to be her mom.”

I smile down at the gorgeous sleeping baby. The baby I helped bring into this world. I can’t help wanting to hold her. Claim her as mine. Just like I want to claim her mother.

I see Elizabeth’s eyes start to close with exhaustion.

“You need your rest,” I say. “You should sleep whenever she does.”

Her eyes pop open. “But all I want to do is look at her.”

I pull the bassinet around next to Elizabeth’s bed. “We’ll put her right here. You can stare at her all you want.”

She nods, refusing to take her eyes off her daughter. But then she looks up at me. “Do you . . . want to hold her?”

“More than you can imagine,” I say, my voice strained with need.

She smiles brightly as she gathers up the baby to hand over to me.

I situate her in my arms and then lean down to smell her, closing my eyes as I take in the unmistakable scent of baby.

“You know, I was the first one to ever hold her,” I say. “I was the one who pulled her out of you.”

Elizabeth’s eyes shoot to mine. “Really? They let you do the C-Section?” She looks embarrassed. “You had your handsinsideme? Oh, my God. That’s incredible. Sometimes I forget you’re a real doctor.”

I laugh quietly. “Dr. Redman made the incision. But I delivered her. And I got to sew your skin up after.”

“I hope you did a good job,” she jokes. “You never know who might be seeing it.”

I raise my eyebrows at her. “Not too many people, I hope. Actually, notanypeople,” I say. “Well, exceptoneperson.” I stare at her, letting her know I want to be that person.

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