Page 54 of Stone Vows

Her pager goes off. “Looks like her husband is here,” she says, reading it. “I’ll go get him.”

I walk back over to the bed. “Rosita, Raul is here. Sandra is bringing him back.”

A tear trickles down her cheek and she removes the oxygen mask, taking it completely off her face for what we both know will be the last time.

“Do I look okay?” she asks, trying to pretend she’s not in terrible pain.

I grab her hand. “You look beautiful, Rosita. Raul is a lucky man.”

Through the window, I see Sandra escorting a man to the door. I slip out and tell him what’s going on and what to expect, including his wife’s wishes for us not to use heroic measures.

He starts to break down, chanting something in Spanish as his back meets the wall and then his hands meet his knees.

“Raul,” I say, holding him up as he peers through the window at his dying wife. “You can fall apart later. Rosita needs you now. She needs to say goodbye.Youneed to say goodbye. I’ll be right there if you need me.”

He straightens up and wipes his tears. Then he takes several deep breaths and walks through the door.

I go into the room with him and stand over in a corner. They both start speaking in their native tongue, but I don’t need to speak Spanish to know they are saying words of love and comfort and sorrow.

Raul climbs onto the bed next to her, on the side with the fewest burns, and he cradles her in his arms. I hear their son’s name several times. I hear him sing to her softly. Then, her breathing becomes labored, and the monitors start to beep.

I quickly shut the monitors down knowing there is no use for them anymore.

As Rosita struggles to take her last breaths, Raul leans down and kisses her. He kisses her as she passes from this world to the next.

When her body goes limp, he screams out in pain, burying his head into her chest. I walk over and put a comforting hand on him. There are simply no words.

I give him a few minutes. He needs this time. I need this time. I’m not even sure I could use my stethoscope with the way my hands are shaking.

Finally, he pulls himself together and lifts his head. “I need to make some calls,” he says.

“There is a family lounge down the main hallway. It should be quiet in there.”

He nods, peeling himself away from his wife. He leans down to give her one last kiss and then he walks out of the room.

I go to the bedside and listen to her heart. Sandra walks in just as I pronounce Rosita dead. Then I sit in the chair and put my head between my legs.

“I’ll finish up in here, Dr. Stone.”

I nod, taking a few deep breaths before heading out to ground zero, where I see that over the past few hours, everything else has been handled. There is nothing left for me to do. Gina sees me from across the room and runs over.

“Manning’s telling the residents to take a break. Re-group. Even go home if we need to. This was a lot to handle.”

I turn away from her, walking and then running to the residents’ lounge where I just barely make it to the bathroom before I wretch into the toilet.

I wipe my face and then use mouthwash to rinse out my mouth. Then I sit down in a chair and breathe.

Gina comes up behind me. She runs her hands down my chest and then walks around and kneels between my legs. She takes my head in her hands.

“It was a tough day,” she says, right before kissing me.

I should want this. This is what we do for each other. This is how we numb the pain. This is how we handle our stress and our grief. So why can’t I kiss her back? Why can’t I do what we’ve always done?

She pulls back, sensing my hesitation. She stands up and holds out her hand. “Come on, Kyle. Let’s find an on-call room. We both need this after what we’ve seen.”

I let her pull me up. Her hands in mine don’t feel right anymore. Her fingers are long and slender, her hands a bit dry from all the washing we do, her nails short and bare.

I find myself needing different hands. Ones that are soft and small. Ones that have pink nails to match a certain pair of pink pajamas.

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