I nod my head. Needing time and space are things I can understand. I had over six months of time and space. Over six months to think about my life and come to terms with what I wanted out of it. Over six months to realize it only took me a few weeks to fall completely head-over-heels in love with the man who brought my daughter into this world.
I guess it’s only fair that he have his own time and space to come to the same conclusion. And I know he will. I know, because I felt it last night. I felt the way he wants me. The way he needs me. I may have even felt the way he loves me.
“Okay,” I tell him. “But if Ellie and I are going to be here, I can’t be walking around on eggshells all the time. How about we start by just being friends, Kyle? No more doodling silly names or talking about things we can’t change. You do your job and I’ll do mine. And sometimes, when you feel like it, I’ll teach you more ASL. Sometimes when I feel like it, you’ll bring me Sal’s.”
He looks at me again, this time with brighter eyes. “Friends, huh?”
Ellie drops her toy and starts fussing about it. I get up to retrieve it for her. “Sure, why not?” I ask.
“I think I can do that,” he says, finally picking up his coffee to take a drink.
I gather up Ellie and head to the bathroom. When I reach the doorway, I turn around. “But, Kyle . . . I’ll never forget last night.”
He nods, looking at the wall where we made love. “Yeah,” he says, blowing out a deep sigh. “Me neither.”
Chapter Forty-nine
“How have you been holding up the past few weeks?” Caden asks, digging in for another scoop of spaghetti.
“Fine,” I say, shoveling another bite of strained peas into Ellie’s mouth. “I’m still in the friend zone, if that’s what you’re asking.”
My brother has come over at least once a week for dinner. Always at my place. Never at his. Just in case Grant is watching him. Caden and I have become close since my return, and he’s well aware of my feelings for Kyle.
“I kind of figured,” he says, glancing around the room. “You know, because he’s not here and all.”
“We live this symbiotic life now. Sometimes he cooks. Sometimes I cook. Sometimes I eat his leftover takeout. Sometimes he orders pizza for us. He doesn’t feel obligated to tell me when he’s going out. I don’t always inform him when I’m having guests. We’re living like roommates,” I say, looking over towards Kyle’s bedroom. “It’s torture.”
“I’m sorry, Lexi. I know it’s hard for you. You need to give him time. Maybe he just needs to see that you aren’t going to leave again.”
“I don’t want to leave,” I tell him. “But if all we are is friends, surely he’s going to expect me to at some point.”
“I think we are a long way from getting to that point, Lexi.”
I shrug negligently. “I hope so,” I say, topping off Caden’s wine. “But, hey let’s quit making everything about me. How are you doing? Why aren’t you dating anyone? Surely there is a plethora of women lining up to date a famous young ball player who isn’t even that ugly.”
He chuckles at my joke before shaking his head in disgust. “That’s the problem,” he says. “There are so many of them. And they all want something from me. Money. Fame. A baby.”
“A baby?” I ask, incredulously.
“You’d be surprised how many players in the league have been trapped by women getting pregnant on purpose,” he says. “Some of them end up married to women they don’t even like, just to give their kid a family. Others simply fork over eighteen years of child support.”
“That’s awful. Didn’t anyone ever teach them about birth control?” I ask.
“Some women are ruthless. Lying about being on the pill. Poking holes in condoms. When I got called up, they made me sit with their PR rep who basically gave me a talk about how not to get a girl pregnant.” He rolls his eyes. “It was humiliating. I felt like I was in middle school. But it happens so often, they’ve made it part of the transition from the minors. Always carry your own condoms. Never use one a girl provides. Put it on yourself. Make sure to flush it after, don’t just dump it in the trash and leave, because resourceful girls might dig it out and use what’s inside it.”
My hand comes up to cover my surprised gasp. “Oh, my God, Caden, really?”
“Really,” he says. “So you can see how it might be hard to trust anyone. Even getting set up with friends of friends is hard. You just never know their true motives. After a scare last year, I decided it just wasn’t worth it to try to find a girlfriend.”
“Scare? Did some girl say you got her pregnant?” I look at Ellie thinking how sad it would be for her to have a cousin she would never get to see.
He takes a big swig of his wine, then places it down on the table, tracing the mouth of the glass with his finger. “She didn’t just say I got her pregnant. Ididget her pregnant.”
I look at my brother with wide eyes. “Caden, do you have a child?”
He shakes his head. “No. She had a miscarriage a week after she told me she was pregnant. But the whole thing scared the shit out of me, Lexi. What would I have done with a kid when I was barely twenty-three?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, hurt that he never thought to pick up the phone and get advice from his big sister.