Page 64 of Stone Rules

I have to make a conscious effort to close my mouth that’s been gaping at him for the past thirty seconds. Did he just forget everything he saw today? Everything he heard? “How could you live with what was done to me? With the things I’ve done?”

“That shit doesn’t matter to me, Charlie.Youmatter to me.” He takes both my hands in his. “I can’t promise you anything. Except that I’ll try. I’ll try to be the man you deserve. I promise I’ll spend every day trying to be that man. I’m going to fuck up from time to time. I’m not going to be perfect. But if you’ll give me the chance, I swear I’ll do everything I can to make you trust in me. Trust in us.”

He wants me?After everything he knows about me. I take a minute to let it sink in. Everything he just said was perfect.Heis perfect.

Alarms go off in my head and I can’t help but think of Jan Mitchell and the talk she once had with me and Piper about our heart and our head. And right now, my heart wants him. My body wants him. I want him so badly it hurts. But my head reminds me of how hurt I was after that time in the pool. And the time at the concert. And the time on his couch. All the feelings I had those times come rushing back. All those feelings come back in this moment and trump the other feelings I’m having. The ones that want me to put my arms around him and throw caution to the wind.

“I’m not sure I can trust you, Ethan. You hurt me. You know I wanted you. I offered myself to you. I offered myheartto you. How will I know you won’t just toss me to the curb again? How will I know you won’t get scared? How will I know you won’t break your promise?”

“Rule number nine, Charlie. A promise is a promise. And I won’t break it. Ever. Please, give me another chance.”

“Ethan . . .”

“I tell you what. You don’t have to give me an answer right now. It’s been an emotional day. Just let me start swimming with you again. Let me start building that trust. Let me take you to lunch, and to the movies, and on walks through Central Park where we’ll talk about anything and everything. We’ll do things friends do. Because I want that with you, Charlie. I want so much to be your friend. I want that and more. But I’ll take what I can get for now.”

I nod. “I think I can do that. I can be your friend. But I can’t promise you anything more than that right now, so you’ll just have to be patient with me.”

He smiles. “I’m not going anywhere, Charlie. Except maybe ten feet over there.” He gets up, pulling something out of his pocket. “Just wait here for a few minutes, okay? There’s something I have to do.”

He walks over and perches himself on Cat’s headstone, then he opens the box and pulls out a shiny metal harmonica and starts playing it. The song he plays is a lullaby. I can’t recall which one because my mother never sang them to me, but I recognize the tune. And he plays it expertly, like he’s done it a thousand times before this time. I stare at him, mesmerized by him. By his music. By his emotion. By his beauty.

He finishes the song and puts the harmonica back into the case. “I used to play for her when she was sad or colicky. Sometimes it was the only thing that would calm her down. So now I play every time I visit her. It makes me feel connected to her. And I like to think that somehow, she hears me playing and it brings her peace.”

My heart leaps inside my chest. How can I not give another chance to a man who plays the harmonica for his angel daughter? A man who would put himself in danger to make sure I don’t ruin the rest of my life. A man who not only accepted all of my secrets, but trusted me with his own.

And suddenly, I realize that I no longer have to envy Piper, Skylar and Baylor. Because, just as they found their knights in shining armor, perhaps I’ve just found mine.

Chapter Twenty-nine

I smile when Ethan walks toward me at the entrance to the park. This is our thing now, walking through Central Park on my days off. Well, that and swimming. And movies. And dinner. We’ve practically been joined at the hip—even though we’ve technically not been ‘joined’ at all.

The past month has been incredible. We’ve spent time together almost every day. But my favorite times with him are the times we just talk. Sometimes we can talk for hours on end, yet it seems like only minutes have passed.

He’s told me all about his childhood and what it was like to grow up with two doctors for parents. He told me about the trouble he and his brothers would get into when they were young. He explained to me how his parents moved to California to teach young resident missionaries at UCLA Medical Center. He didn’t go with them because of Cat, but it was there where Chad got discovered in the most random way.

We talk about everything. Even the hard stuff. And although he’s never asked for details about my past, I feel comfortable sharing bits and pieces of it with him. And even though he’ll never replace Piper, he’s slowly becoming a best friend to me. Someone with whom I feel safe. Someone whom I can trust.

Our walk through the park starts out like every other. We meander through our normal pleasantries and recaps of what we’ve done since we’ve been together—which was only yesterday. Then, I close my eyes and gather the courage I need to ask him about the one thing we’ve not talked about. Gretchen.

“There is something I’ve been wanting to ask you for weeks now,” I tell him.

He stops walking and crinkles his brow at me. “Anything, Charlie. You know that by now.”

“Um, okay.” I take a breath and prepare myself for what I may not want to hear. But then I chicken out and ask, “How old are you?”

He laughs, his smile revealing his gorgeous white teeth that complement his tanned face, a result of our long afternoon walks on my days off. “I’m twenty-seven.” He nudges my shoulder with his. “But why don’t you ask me what’s really on your mind.”

I roll my eyes at him. He’s come to know me well. I start walking again, not able to look directly at him when I ask, “You once told me you and Gretchen had a thing. What exactly does that mean?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I see him nod his head. “I was wondering when this would come up,” he says. “And I’m not sure how to say this without sounding like a complete douche and an insensitive prick considering your past, but, uh . . . guys have needs.”

My mind goes crazy thinking about how Barbie satisfied those needs. And if she’s still satisfying them.

He puts a gentle hand on my arm to stop my forward progress. “Charlie, I haven’t been with her for a while now. It had been months since I’d been with her when I met you. And I promise you, it was just sex. Mutually consensual and totally unemotional sex.”

He scrubs a hand across his jaw. “Shit. When I hear the words coming out of my mouth, I want to punch myself. But there’s really no other way to say it. When she came to work for me five years ago, she was married. There wasn’t even any attraction between us. But within a few months, her husband left her. He left because she couldn’t have children. It was a low time for her. And I hadn’t been with anyone since Cat died. I never wanted to risk a relationship, and I sure as hell didn’t want to risk another pregnancy. So I stayed away from women entirely. But one night, everyone in the office went out for drinks, and at the end of the night, Gretchen and I were the last two standing. She was drunk and she broke down, telling me the details about a car accident that had left her unable to conceive children. She said she hated all men and never wanted another relationship, but that she missed sex.

“So there we were, two young single people, neither wanting a relationship but both having an itch to scratch. And the fact that she couldn’t have children made her the perfect partner for me. So right then and there, we negotiated a deal of sorts. We would use each other for sex. No emotions. No relationship. No expectations.

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