Page 44 of Totally Fanatic

“It’s not cheating, it’s just the way socials work, the more shares the more engagement it gets.”

“Right, but when the same person is doing the sharing that isn’t really the same as real shares from others, is it?”

“I guess not. Okay. I’ll keep Kittyball100, it’s my original, anyway. I don’t think I know how to close a profile, though. Do I just stop posting, and then they will close on their own?”

“No, they’ll stay open forever if you don’t actually request to close them. It should be in your profile settings.”

“Did you want to do it now? You can show me so I can do it right?”

“Okay.”

We sit for another hour, going through each profile and closing each of them down. I never thought of what I was doing as cheating, but I guess Tim’s right. The amount of people following my Kittyball100 posts is highest, so the naturalengagement will still be really good on anything else I put online. I hope.

“Thank you,” he says when we’re done, and I put the phone down next to his on the coffee table.

“For what?”

He gently cups the side of my face with one hand.

“For doing what I asked. It makes me really happy to see how much you celebrate me, and now I’ll know exactly which posts are from you, my sweet Lion.”

“I’d do anything to make you happy.”

He licks his lips and leans forward, deepening the kiss as he climbs into my lap.

“And I’d like to do many, many things that will make you happy. Want to go inside?”

“Fuck yes.”

“Then let’s go. I believe you promised me something the other day.”

He stands and half pulls me up off the lounge. I try to think back to what he’s talking about. We messaged so much last week. What did I promise him this time? Then it hits me.

“Oh,” I say, feeling the heat rise to my face. “I mean, a promise is a promise,” I say, heading toward the fire stairs to climb down to his apartment.

“We don’t have to…” he starts, but I cut him off.

“Yes, we do. We really, really do, because it’s about time I showed you how flexible I can be, too.”

“Get that sexy naked body into my bed.”

“Yes, boss.”

“Oh, I like that. Call me boss again when I’m owning that sweet ass.”

“You got it, boss.”

Chapter seventeen

TIM

I can’t even describethe relief I felt when Lion was explaining why he had the accounts. But I just knew he wasn’t lying. He’s not like that. He’s just so carelessly sweet that he really thought what he was doing was to help me. And it did. But did it also help grow this need I have to constantly check for new posts about me, too? I have been obsessed with how everyone sees me. I have been since forever, but it got really out of control last year. That high I get from someone praising me is a tricky thing to just quit. That’s when I started seeing Dr Hamlyn.

It can also push you to keep trying to be better. I’m always trying to be better, working on every flaw, or failure someone posted online like I owed it to them to fix it. To fix myself to be what they thought I needed to be. If I’m honest, that’s where my obsession really started. With the negative posts. I had to know what was wrong so I could make it right. But then there started to be more good posts than bad. More people shared how well I did, or how cool a trick play was, and it was easier to ignore the negative posts until I almost never saw them anymore. Knowingthat Lion is the reason that happened, and that it was him wanting to make my world better, is just so incredibly sweet.

I had to ask him to close the other accounts now, though. Now that I know about them, it’s just too wrong to keep them going. And he didn’t even falter when I explained why. He just said okay. I’ve never been in a relationship with a guy that would just say yes because they knew it would make me happy. It’s kind of amazing, and I trust that he won’t open more, too.

I get how others might see it, and Duckie is still a little worried about Lion, but Ian seems to get it. While we were talking at the bar, he said he looked through all the posts and nothing screamed dangerous, just a whole heap of praise. Duckie called it love bombing, but it’s not that. It’s not like Misery either. Lion is just different. He sees who I am and supports me one hundred percent. It’s intoxicating, the feeling of being truly seen. And I’m not ready to let go of that feeling. I don’t know if I ever will be.

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