Page 37 of Totally Fanatic

He murmurs. “Really… nice.” His voice is soft, and his light breath tickles the soft hairs of my chest.

“I wish I was getting the train back with you. Then we could snuggle like this all the way home.”

“Me, too,” he replies so softly that I almost wonder if he isn’t talking to me in his sleep. “We can plan a trip on a train if you want.”

“That would be nice,” I say, brushing his hair back.

“So nice,” he says, and then I’m sure he’s drifted off, and I lie there holding him because with him in my arms it just feels right.

The guys thought it was a bad idea to get involved with a fan, and to be honest, I had my concerns, too. Not about Lion, but about me and if my past obsession with social media and what people think of me was driving this connection I started to feel toward him. So, I reached out to my old therapist. The one who helped me grow the tools to handle the haters online more effectively and to protect myself with healthy boundaries. Like setting limits on when I check my feeds.

If I am being totally honest, I dreaded picking up the phone when they called for the appointment. Mostly because I had no idea what I was going to do if they told me I couldn’t have him. But that’s not what happened.

Dr Hamlyn helped me to look at why I feel so connected and validated, and reassured me that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be near the people who lift us up as long as we weren’t just taking what we wanted from that person and leaving them without the things they need. I wasn’t sure what I was giving Lion really counted, especially when all I could come up with at first was that he wanted me to be my best. But as we talked, I realized that I do give, not just take from Lion. I give him the real me, my thoughts and dreams and doubts, and my friendship. I listen to him, and believe in him, and I make him feel… good. There’s more I could probably do, and when he isn’t sleeping curled up in my arms and I can focus on more than the way his warm skin is pressed against me in so many places, I’ll keep thinking of more ways I can give him everything he needs.

It was really nice to be told that the feelings I’ve been having aren’t wrong, or what did she call it? “Perfectly understandable human behavior.” And she’s right. Who wouldn’t want to be close to a guy like Lion? He’s kind and sweet, and he celebrates me in a way I have never been celebrated. He’s my biggest cheerleader. Okay, I may have just pictured him in a cheerleader skirt, perfect round bare ass out as he shakes his pom-poms. Yep, I’m totally gone. There’s no way I can let him go now.

Chapter fourteen

LION

I knew Tim andI had a connection the moment I saw him run out onto the baseball field that first game. His smile was like a magnet for my heart, and I just knew he was special. Important. That I had to protect him and celebrate him and make him happy. Now I can do all those things for him because he sees it, too. He sees how perfect we are for each other.

“So, you and Tim are dating now?” Mary Beth asks as she switches the coffee machine onto its clean cycle. I told her all about our dinner date with his friends, not all about what we did in the hotel room, but some of it like us kissing and him holding me all night and how he said he wished he could get the train back with me instead of traveling with the team. I wanted that, too. I wanted to spend every moment with him, but I have work, and he has training and then the games, so I will take what I can get, because what I got was incredible.

“We are, yeah. And I really hope they give him his own room in Houston, because sleeping alone in the BnB will not be nearly as much fun.”

“When will you see him again?”

“Not until the weekend. He traveled straight to Houston after last weekend’s game, then they train there for the week, and after this round, they’re back in Savannah for two weeks before they move on to Vegas.”

“That’s exciting, no getting drunk and coming back here married.”

I laugh. “Tim deserves a bigger wedding than a quick Vegas thing. Besides, you know I don’t really drink.”

“True, but I never thought you would actually be dating your dream guy either, so this could be the year stranger things happen.”

“Isn’t that a show?”

“What now?”

“Stranger Things.”

“It is but that’s not what I meant. I meant that you getting drunk and married in Vegas doesn’t really sound that strange now that you’re dating your dream Banana Ball player.”

“But I didn’t propose. You can’t get married unless someone proposes.”

“Sure, I mean, okay. Never mind. Are you almost finished with the display?”

“Yep, just the large cakes to wrap and put in the fridge. The flowers are all boxed up, too. Where are they going tonight?”

“Mrs. Garth lost her pup, Sammy, yesterday, so I thought I would drop them with her. Can you put in a few wrapped slices and a cupcake or two in as well, please?”

“Oh, how sad. Sammy was her everything. He would bark at King whenever she walked past my place. King would just sit there on the windowsill watching him until she managed to drag him away. I’ll add some of the macarons, too.”

Mary Beth heads over to see Mrs. Garth, and I walk the long way home, and by long way, I mean the nowhere near my placeway that takes me past Tim’s apartment block. He isn’t there but I figure with him still away, it can’t hurt to check on the place, you know. Make sure no one is trying to break in.

I go down the alley beside his apartment building, and when I spot the fire stair ladder down, I figure I should probably just check to, you know, make sure that everything is okay with him still out of town and all. I pull the last few rungs down and climb up to the roof where Tim barbeques and hangs with his friends. The wind has blown a few of the cushions and I find a handful of rubber ducks on the ground, swept into the middle by a few nights’ worth of wind and rain, most likely. I spend a few minutes straightening things up, then set the ducks down on the coffee table, lining them up largest to smallest like a family swimming across the table’s surface. It’s nice up here. Quiet. And as the sun sets in the distance, I sit for a minute on the lounge and scroll through the videos and photos I took at last week’s games. Tim played so well, and in so many of the photos, it’s like he’s looking right at the camera. Those are my favorites. I pick one where he’s half smiling, creating a dimple in one of his cheeks. I crop the image down a little to make him centered, then post it to my feed, with the comment,Setting hearts on fire all over America.I jump into a few other logins and comment and share like always, and when I see Tim heart the share I did as Kittyball100, I immediately message him.

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