Page 85 of So Thrilled For You

‘I don’t care.’

‘Matt, please . . . I didn’t know she was coming.’

‘Until when? Did it surprise you when she walked through the door?’

I wonder about whether to lie and, sensing it, he shakes his head. ‘She messaged me early this morning saying Charlotte had invited her,’ I admit.

‘And, let me guess, you said, very clearly,“it’s not appropriate for you to come because you tried to ruin my marriage’’?’

‘No . . .’

‘Show me! Show me what you messaged her. Where’s your phone?’

‘I’m not showing you my phone!’

‘If you wrote something innocent back, you wouldn’t mind.’

‘You can’t go through my phone. That’s, like . . . abuse.’

‘Oh my God.’ He crushes his stork cup with his fist, truly exasperated. ‘Are you actually? Fucking hell, Nicki. Are you literally the victim of everything? I can’t . . . I need . . . I can’t talk to you right now. Fucking hell . . . Fucking actual hell.’

‘Matt, come on. You have to trust me. I . . . I’m having your baby.’

‘No, I have tostaywith you because you’re having my baby.’

The words slap me with their significance. ‘What did you just say?’

He thumps the counter, runs his hands through his hair, and looks mildly deranged. I clutch my tummy and have to perch on a stool, such is the fear of what he’s just said. It took a lot to get him to trust me and forgive me, to get us here. To where I so desperately wanted.

‘I actually don’t think I can talk right now after all,’ he says, leaning over on the counter. ‘I need to calm down. You know I came here as a surprise, right? I know the sex of our baby. I rang the hospital to talk me through the twenty-week scan. I know you want to know. Charlotte has this firework thing all set up . . . After everything you did, I’m still trying to be so nice to you, and . . . fuck . . . have you just used me as a sperm donor or something?’

‘What! No. Matt, I love you.’ I start crying again. He can’t be saying these things. This moment can’t be my life, surely? He knows thesex of our baby? Despite everything that’s happening right now, I’m desperate to know. I’ve been gagging to know for so long. He knows me so well and I’m ruining it. Ruining it when I’m weeks away from giving birth and us having to look after this thing forever.

‘If you did you wouldn’t have let her come.’

‘I . . . I just got confused . . .’

‘No. Stop it. I’m going to get too angry if you try and Nicki this right now. I need to walk and sort my head out.’

‘It’s a million degrees outside.’

‘I don’t care. I need to just . . . not be here with you.’

He pushes outside before I can get myself off the stool, punching the balloon arch on his way out. I waddle after him desperately, but I’m only hit with a blast of heat that’s rushed through the entrance as the door shuts behind him. My hand goes to my mouth, my heart hurting. What have I just done?It’s too big. Too much. My brain physically hurts in my skull as it tries to comprehend the possible fall-out of all of this. I need the father of my baby. I need my husband, holding my hand as I give birth. I need us to be a family together. That’s what I chose, and it wasn’t without a cost. I can’t lose it. I . . .

. . . but my spiral’s interrupted by even more shouting upstairs.

Lauren

I can’t cope with how they’re looking at me. My friends. My supposedbestfriends – who’ve had my back since I was nineteen, are now staring at me like I’ve openly smacked Woody around the face, rather than left him in his cot for a moment.

‘What the hell is going on?’

Nicki appears at the top of the stairs – her puffy face tear-stained and red – and Charlotte explains like I’m not even here.

‘Steffi picked up Woody after Lauren left him to cry.’

‘I didn’t leave him to cry!’

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