Page 54 of So Thrilled For You

She blocks me so I start new accounts. I post publicly, to try and warn other women, and then I send DMs too, to make sure they really read them.

And, you know what? She has never replied until today. And she deletes my comments as quick as she can so others can’t read my warnings. I once typed out my whole horrific birth story in fourteen long messages. I sobbed as I tip tapped out the entire mess on the toilet at 3am, during the two hours Woody would sleep. I felt this huge release as I hit send. Surely, she’d read and respond to this? At least say sorry I had such an unlucky experience. But she just deleted it and blocked.

Fuckers.

Lying fuckers.

Nicki gives her drink order and her eyes find mine again. She smiles. I try to return it. Her hand is massaging her bump without realising. I used to do that all the time too. Back before. Like Nicki, when I was so blissfully unaware of everything heading my way – imagining me pushing it out beautifully in a birthing pool, letting my body unfurl like petals on a flower in the morning sun.

Now Woody is clasped in my hand. A collection of pixels that shoot me with adrenaline whenever the screen grunts or squeals or turns over.

Nicki looks at the screen and beckons out for it. ‘Can I?’

I hand him over. ‘Oh look at him sleep. He’s perfect, Lauren. Truly.’

‘Thank you.’

I must be grateful. I must cope better and be grateful. I am so lucky to have gone through such a horrendous experience because look at this cute miniature person in my arms.

‘Whatever happens, it’s all worth it, isn’t it?’ she asks us.

All three of us nod. Though I take the longest to make my head do it.

Fuckers.

Lying fuckers.

Transcript: Inspector Simmons

interviewing Steffani Fox

Simmons: You’ve claimed throughout this interview that you and the other suspects are the best of friends?

Steffani: That’s correct. Yes.

Simmons: You say you didn’t have ‘beef with anyone’ there?

Steffani: Not enough beef to set anything on fire.

Simmons: Is sleeping with Nicole’s husband not beef then? Seems odd.

Steffani: That . . . How do you know about that?

Simmons: We had an anonymous tip-off, someone who told us the truth about yourfriendshipswith these women.

Steffani: What the hell?

Simmons: We have a different word for ‘beef’ in the police force, Steffani Fox. In here, we like to call it ‘motive’.

Steffani: It’s not what it sounds like . . .

Simmons: Really? Because it sounds like you have very good reason to cause Nicki harm.

Steffani: OK, so occasionally I want her to break a nail, but torching a house is quite different.

Simmons: So you keep saying. But let’s go through your exact movements on the day in question, shall we? Did you know that Matt was coming?

Steffi

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