Page 15 of So Thrilled For You

Happiest of days and hope the sun is shining over there

Nina Baldwin xxx

My ears pop as we roar out of the tunnel and my sweaty palms smudge my phone screen. It’s weird what you focus on when your entire life changes. I find myself muttering,Wow, Nina Baldwin uses kisses in work emails. Who knew?

Then I drop my phone to the ground. I stand up.

Fuck.

OK.

This has never happened. Even with my biggest books at SlickAgency. I’ve never hadNina Baldwinbite. I never thought she even saw my submissions. Nina Baldwin rarely-to-never bites – she’s so sharp, she only picks the super bestsellers. She’s like the Willy Wonka of Hollywood and hasminimal golden tickets to hand out a year. Giddy euphoria fills me up, and, it’s just as well the air con is on max and the carriage is empty, because I erupt into an adrenaline sweat. I air punch. I pick up my phone and kiss it. I squeal, I thump my chest in delight, I . . .

. . . I miss Mum so much I think I’m about to be sick.

Because I’m already about to call her to share this, to glory in it with her. My success is hers after all. But she won’t pick up. I wilt back on my seat and hold my heart through my dress, like she did when I was younger.

There, there, you’re going to be alright, I’m here.

Except she’s not here. Not now. Not ever.

I sigh again, clench and release my palms. The grief starts to drain away, back to where it dwells. The wave has crashed, the waters are calming down. It’s been four years now. I smile and hear her voice whisper.

You did it, Steffi. All by yourself, you did it. Just like I knew you could.

I let happiness return, with its now tender edge of bittersweet. Lauren will be thrilled. I can tell her the second I get off the train. That’s something. She’ll definitely have a lot more to say than ‘K’about this. And she’ll get the bittersweet nature of the good news. One of the few memories I have of Mum’s funeral is the grasp of her hand in mine, whispering to me, ‘She was so proud of you, Steffi, so proud.’ And now this . . .

Oh Christ. Nina Baldwin!

I laugh and bite my fist. Oh, Nina. If only you knew my agency is run entirely from my one-bedroom flat overlooking a graveyard where a man with mental health problems climbs into my bins at least once a week, and just stands there, quitehappily, sucking his thumb. If only you knew that my assistant Grace Shadowfaxis fictional. She’s just an email address I made up because I can’t afford a real assistant yet. Grace is so efficient she’s already been headhunted by Eagle fucking Publishing. I know, at some point, I’m going to have to let everyone know Grace Shadowfax isn’t real. People will soon expect Grace to come to parties and pitches and meetings. But I can’t out Grace as non-existent until I’m a huge success and she’s just a funny side story of my giant success.

Grace, you’re being outed.

This is it. I’m going to be huge.

HI NINA BALDWIN.

OK, how to play this? I put a finger to my temple to calm myself down. Legally, I have to present every deal to Rosa and let her decide. But, she’d be mad to turn down Nina. However, if Nina FUCKING Baldwin, is biting, this means other major studios will too. So,Christ,I’m going to have to play major Hollywood studios off one another, and also let the publishers know about Nina’s interest. This will cause international ripples. The UK market will go mad, now the US will too. This will bounce into the German market, the French, Spanish . . .

I can see it all now. Multiple auctions in multiple countries. I’m not going to sleep for a week, but, by the end of it, if I’ve done my job properly, she’ll be a multi-millionaire. She’s going to lose her mind! She’s on twenty something grand at a tiny literacy charity. She’s living in a flat share in Brixton with six other housemates. She was late to our first breakfast meeting, apologising as she’d had to wait 40 minutes for the shower to be free. Oh, Rosa, babe. Such startling good things are coming for her. She really will lose her mind. News this big cripplesauthors. They get overwhelmed. Can never write a second book. She’s going to need a lot of my emotional support. Yikes – who’s going to emotionally supportmethrough all this? I soothe another pang for Mum as we hurtle into another tunnel. I’m glad I’m about to see Lauren. I can happy-dump all on her – get it out of my system before the baby shower. Honestly, how the hell do I have to attend a baby shower today? I have so, so, so, much to do.

We shoot out of the tunnel and my phone pings again. I grasp it up, already grinning. Maybe it’s another studio? Or another editor? Nothing in my phone can bring bad news today.

Or . . . so I think.

A message from Jeremy. Initially, I get a flutter of excitement. It must be his plans for date five. I get a small pulse between my legs as I remember date four. Our bodies slick with sweat, the taste of salt on his skin, the windows of his flat wide open for everyone in London to hear us.

Jeremy:

Morning Steff. How’s it going? That big submission coming off? I hope so. You’re a really good person and I really want good things to happen for you.

He’s sent it but I see he’s still typing. ‘What the fuck?’ I mutter. My heart’s twitching. This isn’t a normal message, or a flirty message. It’s weird.I’m a ‘good person’?What’s that got to do with date five? I rub my heart again as I wait for the second message to arrive.

Jeremy:

I know you’re flat out with work this week, but, to be honest, it’s been useful for me to have some time to think. This really sucks, Steff, I’m sorry but I don’t think this has a future. You’re amazing. You know I think you’re amazing. But the whole kids thing . . . I’ve realised this week it is a dealbreaker for me. Sorry. I would call but I know how swamped you are. Sorry again x

I shake my head and let out an exasperated noise as date five with Jeremy turns to vapour. It hurts instantly, and more than it should, considering how many times I’ve been here before. I know the Little Women think I’m this hardened, wisened dater, out having exciting dates with exciting men, with the sort of good sex that can only come from the smell of a stranger’s fresh pheromones . . . But, holy hell, it’s also quite painful and lonely and soul-destroying at times too.Of course,Jeremy’s sent this message now. Today. The best day of my career to date.Of course,I have to be reminded of my malfunction right now – keep my ego in check.

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