Page 67 of So Thrilled For You

Lesbian porn

Lesbian porn for lesbians not men

I had an emotional affair

How to choose between two people?

Nando’s Deliveroo menu

How do lesbians have children?

How do sperm donors work?

Success rates of sperm donation

Success rates of IVF

How much does IVF cost?

I read loads about IVF, and how many rounds you have to finance privately if you’re a lesbian couple, before getting help on the NHS. I also started to truly understand what Charlotte had been going through the past two years. At 2am, I scrolled through video diaries of the egg retrieval process, shuddering at photographs of swollen bellies riddled with injection bruises and wondered how Charlotte had been able to keep up her almost toxic levels of positivity throughout three rounds of this. Whenever I’d asked her how it was going, she’d always crack into her manic grin, and told me she had a really good feeling about this upcoming round, or thatthe destination was worth the journey, and all her other typical Live Laugh Love soundbites. But I now realised just how devastating it must’ve been for her, just how expensive, and invasive, and disheartening, and holy fuck, I never realised how shit egg freezing was. The statistics were terrible! All through my twenties, all I’d ever heard was, ‘Freeze your eggs! Everything will be OK if you freeze your eggs! If youget a job at Meta they let you freeze your eggs! You can wait until you’re 82 to have kids as long as you freeze your eggs.’It sounded almost like a luxury spa treatment. Something you could slip in between appointments for a laser regeneration on your sunspots and a back, neck, and shoulder massage. But actually, it seemed to be a hugely medical procedure, including general anaesthetic, and injections and hormone nightmares, and even then . . . only about a 30 per cent chance of it even turning into a baby? Plus, it cost £350 a year to keep the little critters frozen.

I snapped my laptop shut. ‘You don’t even know if you want children,’ I’d whispered to myself. ‘And there’s nothing worse than having them with the wrong person.’

I wasn’t totally alone. Phoebe practically suffocated me with messages every day.

Phoebe:

How are you? Thinking of you.

I’m so sorry. I know how hard this must be.

Here’s an article about internalised homophobia that I think you’ll find helpful

I love you.

I miss you at work.

I wish you’d call.

I know you want space but I’m going out of my mind here, Nicki. Sorry. It’s just . . . never mind.

One night, she was obviously drunk and she got nasty and threatening.

Phoebe:

Look, I get that you’re scared but aren’t you more scared of being bored fuckless your entire life?

Is it the sex stuff? We can take it slow.

Fuck u Nicki, not even replying. It’s not fair. Why do u get all the power? Fuck this. A woman is hitting on me so hard in this bar right now. Give me one reason why I shouldn’t go home with her.

I’m going home with her. Fuck you.

I didn’t. I couldn’t. Sorry. Please just hurry up and decide.

I’m going to leave the company if you back out on us. I can’t see you every day. It will hurt too much.

I ignored them all. I didn’t even write replies and then delete them. Each message from Phoebe would make everything so real that my brain would short-circuit and I’d just turn my phone off, wishing I could bury it in a sandpit.

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