Page 28 of So Thrilled For You

‘I know, I’m still in shock.’

‘Woody! What the hell is wrong now?’ She takes a hand off the steering wheel and wraps it around the back of the chair, clicking her fingers to get him to calm down. It doesn’t work. ‘Nina? Wow, Steffi. That’s . . . Sorry. I want to give this my proper attention but don’t know what’s got into Woody. Woody please. Stop crying. Go to sleep.’ She suddenly shouts out of nowhere, ‘You’re tired because you won’t ever go tofucking sleep.’

I cover my mouth to catch my shock. Woody is stunned silent for a second, before erupting into more screams. She darts a horrified look at me.

‘Sorry Steffi. I just . . . He woke from his nap just before we picked you up. He’s knackered. I’m knackered. I . . . sorry. I . . .

Oh Woody, baby, Mummy didn’t mean it. Hey, hey, it’s OK.’

He’s beyond inconsolable. Screaming so loud he’s probably opened a portal to another reality. ‘Don’t worry,’ I say, unsure what else to add, ‘Umm, are you OK?’

She takes a deep breath and plasters on this weird face I’ve never seen before – vacant, gone. ‘Sorry Steffi. I’m going to have to pull over. Do you mind getting into the back with him?’

‘No, of course.’

‘Nowhere to pull over on these country roads, are there? Shh Woody. Shh. It’s alright. Hang on, this will do.’

She jerks the car into a turn off for a private farm and we all whiplash to a halt. ‘OK, get in the back. Thank you. Hang on, you’ll need this.’ She brings up her phone, opens YouTube and types in ‘baby sensory’ before hitting play and handing it over. I was expecting her to get out and comfort Woody herself but the blankness is still on her face. I scramble next to him and hold the screen up to his face.

‘OK, wow,’ I say, as the car pulls away again, and Woody literally breaks into a smile, tears suspended on his cheeks. He stares intently at the dancing strawberries on the phone.

‘It’s like baby crack,’ Lauren shouts back. ‘Sorry for all the drama. I should’ve just put you in the back with him from the off. Serves me right for trying to be a grown-up.’

‘It’s fine. It’s just, funny.’ I wave my hand in front of Woody’s face, but he doesn’t even blink. He’s too ensconced by the kiwi fruit with giant eyeballs raining from the sky on top of the bouncing strawberries.

An awkward calm descends as we continue into the middle of nowhere. I can’t deny it’s gorgeous out here and is probably even lusher when we’re not mid-drought. There’s so much sky, and hedgerows and space, and London already feels like a squished-up polluted nightmare to return to later. Woody’s silent, his eyes drying out from not blinking. Lauren is navigating the twisting roads calmly and slowly,and you wouldn’t think she’d screamed her head off only a minute ago.

‘So,’ she calls back. ‘Nina Baldwin. Honestly, Steffi. You must be losing your mind!’

I smile. My dear friend has returned, if only temporarily. I can hear it in her voice. ‘I just rang the author now. She’s made up. I told her there’ll be other offers but she’s going to say yes to Nina, no matter what the other studios throw at her. I won’t tell them that, obviously, until I negotiate a sweet deal.’

‘I’m not surprised at all, Steffi. I always knew you’d soar like a firework the moment you went solo.’

‘Thank you. This is beyond my wildest dreams though.’

‘I’m so proud, babe.’ Lauren glances down at my phone, guiding her way. ‘Hang on, I think we’re almost there. It says it’s along here in a mile or two . . . Woody OK back there?’

Woody still hasn’t blinked. Some crazed pineapples are spinning upside down, while Woody’s little fingers twitch with joy.

‘He’s suitably comatose.’

‘Brilliant. Oh my God. Hang on. How the hell are you going to broker all these deals at Nicki’s baby shower?’

I laugh, loving Lauren even more for totally getting it. ‘It will involve diplomacy,’ I say.

‘Diplomacy? It will involve bare-faced lying! What are you going with? Stomach upset? Shall I help fluff Nicki for you? Say you looked green when I picked you up?’

The car slows as a calm voice tells us our destination should soon be on the left. I don’t understand how a house could behere. This isn’t a road, it’s a track. There are no streetlights, or pavement – only hedgerows and dried up fields.

‘That would be useful, thank you. You know I would never miss today but it’s not ideal timing. Oh, look, there it is. Wow.’

The house appears like a mirage, shimmering in the heat at the end of a dirt track Lauren just about turns onto on time. It’s basically a greenhouse on stilts. Modern, gleaming, expensive . . . Definitely designed by some architect who doesn’t mind if passersby can see you naked. A giant balloon archway looms over the front steps, removing any taste from our initial impression.

‘We are going to melt in that thing,’ Lauren says as we crunch along the gravel. ‘And how the hell is Woody supposed to sleep when the whole house is a giant window?’

Even Woody’s wowed enough to twist his little head away from the phone. He starts flapping his hands, cackling, sensing an upcoming change in environment. Lauren parks up and lets out a low whistle before twisting around with a grin.

‘Steffi, I am so, so excited for you. Truly. Well done. This is only the beginning.’

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