Page 34 of Hawthorne

Camilla White

Aloud, relieved exhale leaves my mouth as soon as I lock my bedroom door. There’s no way I’ll be able to finish whatever it is that I still have to finish tonight. Not after the way he just lit my body up.

Everything burns, my limbs are Jello, and my brain is mush.

A cold shower should be enough to pull me back in place.

What’s worse is the man is freaking royalty. He’s the duke, second in line to the damn throne, and he’s interested in me?

All this time, I’ve been thinking the attraction was one-sided and probably stemming from the good times we’ve spent together as children, but the way he kissed me tonight—full of hunger— showed me otherwise. And yet, knowing all of the things that are meant to keep us apart, he still chooses to give in.

What am I to make of this?

What am I supposed to do? Give in?

I want to. But then what?

This is the kind of deal I would never accept on a clear and fully functioning brain. I was never the person who would deal well with casual. I get attached.

And that is something neither of us can afford.

I can’t stay away. I won’t stay away, Camilla.

His words resonate in my brain, reminding me how I felt in his hold, how his lips felt on mine and how, right then and there, we wanted the same thing. It was only when his touch reached my chest that I was knocked back to my senses.

I might have returned to common sense, but the attraction and tension are still there. And worse, it’s reciprocated, regardless of whether it’s right or not.

It’s so stressful because the irrational part of me wants it.Craves it.And the other? The rational part is hesitant…fearless of how bad the outcome can be.

His leathery, wooden scent, mixed with benzoin, lingers on me from being pressed against his hard, chiselled body. Being held on his lap while making out and having him groping me like that might have been one of the hottest things I’ve done so far.

But, oh my lord, I want to do it again.

“What should I do?” I mumble, catching Primrose’s attention. “I’ll catch feelings. I know I will.”

This is so messy. Catastrophic, even.

“Should I tell him no?” I ask as her little paws rhythmically get closer to me. “I can always go to him tomorrow and say I can’t go through with the arrangement.”

With a defeated sigh, I sit on my bed just as Primrose reaches me, nudging my leg with her snout.

“What am I going to do, Rosey?” I ask while picking her up in my arms.

As expected, she doesn’t answer with words.I wish.But who else will I talk to? This dog is everything I have left. Everythingelse is just…memories. Memories of the people who have left me alone in this world.

“How can the duke be interested in me?”

Primrose wails in answer to every sentence I let out. As if she can understand me. The only problem is...I can’t understand her.

“This is a mistake,” I sigh.

A soft lick on my cheek comforts me, and I let out a light chuckle, placing her back on the floor. She heads to her bed for a nap as I go back to work. As the rest of the day quickly goes by, I keep busy, ending the day in the orchard with Primrose, as usual.

I spend the rest of the evening taking care of her and myself, not even daring to step away from my chambers or the orchard.

Every moment of the day is spent with uneasiness and anxiety. With the duke able to show up at any moment and in the manor, I am constantly on edge, looking for an escape route in case of an encounter.

I couldn’t possibly bear the proximity again tonight.

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