Page 122 of Hawthorne

Camilla is not fragile, but this kind of accusation would destroy her and her reputation. It’s not just about her life in the manor anymore. It’s about her life in Monera, in the world.

As much as I want to be selfish and not give in to my mother’s blackmailing, being the reason for her life to be miserable is not an option either. If this goes public, she’ll be shattered.

I can’t be the cause of that.

And that is all it takes for her words to fill every crevice of my brain...

Your Grace, I don’t think this is a good idea.

Blurring the lines the way we did will only make life harder for us.

We don’t belong together.

This is wrong.

Vincent, we shouldn’t...

She tried to warn me. Camilla knew the consequences could be bad, but I was too fucking selfish to worry about them. What could happen? Having someone finding out about us? It’s not like it would bother me. What does bother me is to have it twisted and manipulated to taint the world’s perception of her.

Camilla is gentle and kind. She would never—ever—use someone for her gain. If there was someone who took advantage of their status and disregarded everything else, it was me.

I was the one thinking I could be invincible and untouchable just because of some stupid title. The worst? The betrayal didn’t even come from someone warranted; it came from my family, from my own mother.

Bloody hell, just the mere thought of one sunrise without that annoying hair tickling my nose, of her warm skin wrappedaround mine, is enough to sear my soul. To have them every day for the rest of my life? I’ll be in constant purgatory.

By choosing her and giving it all up, will she be able to go through all the scrutiny? It’ll be suffocating, degrading, and humiliating. She could end up resenting me, too.

More than that, am I so worthy in this world that she has to go through all of that just for love? It doesn’t matter how many different ways I try to think of this, only one possible outcome comes to my mind,

Camilla doesn’t deserve this. She doesn’t deserve the problems and complications that my world carries. What she deserves is a good man who can make her happy and give her everything she deserves.

My eyes shut tightly, and my mouth thins in a grim straight line as I decide.

I’d rather be miserable my entire life than...makehermiserable.

“If I do as you say, you’ll leave her out of this?” I question pointedly.

My eyelids raise, letting my irises lock on my mother’s, and her hazel eyes sparkle with delight. The same sparkle I’ve seen growing up every time my father gave in to her. Something I used to enjoy watching, him making her happy, has me now doubting my entire life.

What kind of manipulation and threats did she use on him?

Did they even love each other?

I am very well aware that marriages are still contracts of interest for the families, instead of being about love. But I thought that my parents were friends, or had learnt to love each other with time. It makes me sick to my stomach to think my entire life was a lie, and to think that my father lived his entire life miserable.

“You have my word,” she says with a smirk.

All I can do is hope…hope that her word isenough.

37

Camilla White

As I slip back into consciousness the memories of last night come back to me.

“I love you,” he panted, lips brushing mine and eyes blazing into my own. “I love you so much it hurts.”

“I love you, too,” I answered with a gasp as he thrust into me agonizingly slowly.

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