Page 98 of Back to Willow

Once I have it placed in the back seat of the car, I call Dylan. “Come on! Let’s go see the sharks, shall we?"

With an eager jump, he sits down on the kid’s chair, and I secure him before closing the door. Liam owns a nice—and probably expensive—dark blue Mercedes-Benz that I couldn’t even dream of affording.

Throughout the drive, my son finds ways to continue being a brat, constantly testing my limits. Still, Liam takes it like a champ, never being bummed about his bad attitude or snarky remarks. Part of me is worried that things won’t get better, and the other is simmering just above the surface, excited about the meaning of this day.

We look like a regular family, about to spend the Sunday out for some quality time. The kind I’ve only ever dreamed about having but haven’t dared to even think about in the last few years…

“That’s a giant manta ray,” I inform them.

Both of them know as much about animals as I know about maths, and it’s been fun to teach them a bit about sea creatures for the last hour.

“Why won’t the shark eat it? They eat everything on TV,” Dylan mutters, visibly bummed by the lack of violence.

“Baby, what kind of movies have you been watching? They are not out in the wild hunting for food, not to mention those movies are fake. In here, they are all fed, so they don’t need to fight other animals.”

Liam is sitting on the floor with his ankles crossed in front of him and Dylan on his lap. Both of them are close to the big glass window that separates us from all of the sea creatures. It sends conflicting feelings through me.

Warmth spreads over my chest at the sight of how well they are getting along, but deep inside, it stings with regret as the realisation of what I have been robbing them both of sinks in.

They’ve been intently listening to my explanations like it’s the most interesting thing in the world. It gives me that teacher-moment vibe, and I’ll admit I’m enjoying it way too much. I am a little animal geek; biology used to be my college choice. But after having Dylan, I found another passion in teaching.

And who knows? Maybe I can teach a bit about animals and nature to kids as well.

“What’s that ugly fish over there, Lo?” Before looking at me, Dylan looks at Liam with an odd expression, but Liam ignores it and keeps waiting for me to answer, and when I do, I catch both of their attention.

“That’s the ocean sunfish. They can get bigger than us and weigh more than a car. The name is because of their odd round shape, and funny enough, their behaviour matches their name because they love sunbathing."

“You still amaze me with all of that knowledge about animals. Did you end up choosing that course?” Liam asks, and my face falls.

“No. I’m studying to be a teacher.” His face contorts into a frown before asking me why. “Because life got in the way. I’m a freshman, not a senior like you are. And with Dylan, I found a new passion. To teach.”

“Oh, of course. It’s just that I’ve always imagined you as this marine biologist going around and saving the oceans. I’d never thought you’d change your mind,” he mumbles while playing with Dylan’s brown hair.

He’s oblivious to our side conversation now, with his eyes glued to the glass wall, looking in awe at all the fish and sharks that roam around in the water.

“I’m happy with my choice. Dylan made me realise that there’s still good and purity in this world. And I’ll do what I can to be surrounded by that.”

After what I went through, I need that beauty in my life. Dylan showed me that it is worth it to go through pain and hurt. Just seeing his smile—every kid’s smile—and happiness is enough. And it is a little step towards my healing.

“Of course. Yeah, you’re right,” he mumbles, deep in thought and probably not knowing what to say.

I get that reminding him of what I went through is still weird. He used to see me as this innocent and happy little girl, and now, I’m a damaged woman with a kid that might not even be his.

“But what about you? Have you finally decided which speciality you’re choosing?” Changing subjects will only help us now.

“I have just started practising. I’m still a newbie and do as I’m told, so I haven’t fully decided yet.”

“Well, that’s still amazing. Are you enjoying it? Is it what you thought it was?”

“It’s even better. I’ll have to admit though, I do tend to find myself in the paediatric department more often than not.”

“Really?” I prod.

“I was thin—”

“Mummy!” Dylan interrupts us. “Why are you two talking with each other instead of me?” He frowns. “You said he came to get to know me, but he doesn’t ask me as many questions as he does to you.”

I blush, and Liam cackles at his antics.

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