Page 74 of Back to Willow

“Liam…”Thestrainedwhisperwraps around my lungs in a tight squeeze, stealing the breath out of me.

Her dark brown eyes widen in shock at the sight of me. Admittedly, one glance is enough to lock me in chains, effectively rooting me in place as the heavy silence that follows settles around us, thickening the air with tension.

It’s just the two of us in this darkened street, but the yellow light of the lamps allows me to memorise the tiny differences in her face.

Some fine lines decorate the edges of her eyes, the only ageing visible in her face. To my amazement, it only makes her more beautiful, more mature. She looks the same and yet so different from the innocent girl I used to date.

No, in front of me stands a woman. A woman who cloaks the kind of wisdom many avoid at all costs. Willow no longer has that lightness and innocence etched in her eyes; she looks like the person who has been carrying the weight of the world for seven long years. As she should.

And still, one second, one glance is all it takes to bring me to my knees. At least, metaphorically.

The Pandora’s box where all of the feelings have been kept under lock and key is open. They all bubble up to the surface as if she never left me. Not even all the time in the world would be enough to make me get over her. It is as familiar as it is foreign because these old feelings are not alone anymore. Anger, hurt, and the need to know the truth are riding in the same carriage.

“Will you finally talk now?” Defeat weaves my voice like a spinning-wheel weaves yarn.

I am so tired of this avoidance. If she doesn’t want anything to do with me, fine, but I need those answers.

Was I not enough?

Didn’t she love me?

Why did she leave like that after ignoring me for weeks?

“I was trying to find a way to solve this. I was going to contact you soon, but please,” she begs with a shaky voice. “Not tonight. I can’t, I—you need to leave, please.”

Nervousness and despair flow out of her mouth so strongly I can almost taste it. But after all of these years, all of this agony, I can’t just turn around and leave. No. I won’t budge.

She’s probably working, so her break should be enough to set everything straight. That way we can both move on with our lives. Separately.

Fuck, it stings.

Do I want to move on?

“No,” I counter in a decisive tone, answering her request to leave but most importantly, myself.

“Oh god,” she murmurs before looking around, scared.

What the fuck is going on?

“What are you nervous about?”

Willow looks like a deer caught in headlights.

“I—I—” she stutters, taking a step back. “Please, I have to go. We can talk tomorrow or whenever you can. I—my brother is here, and I—”

“I know he’s here,” I cut her off, automatically taking one step closer to her. “Look, just tell me what I need to know. Five minutes is all I need. Then, I’ll leave you the hell alone for good. I promise, I won’t...bother you again.” This last part comes out forceful because, despite everything, the mere thought of losing her all over again seems unfathomable to me.

I am starting to wonder, though, if knowing is going to make it easier. I have a feeling I am dead wrong. That it surely won’t.

“Five minutes are not enough for me, Liam. I—back then, things were...oh my god.” Her hand flies out to her chest, clutching tight as her breaths get ragged. “I can’t–I can’t do this.” Fat tears start to stream down her face, and my resolve crumbles.

Like muscle memory, I gently grab her face and wipe those tears away. I’ve always been a sucker for her, and apparently, that hasn’t changed. A couple of tears are enough to tear through my heart all over again. Watching her hands clutch my T-shirt in her fists and her forehead digging into my chest to hide the loud sobs hurts more than my own pain.

Willow has always been sensitive, but she was never a crier. Maybe Jake was right. What happened? Was it bad enough to justify her sudden departure? Has she been the one who has indeed hurt more than all of us?

My arms wrap around her tightly as she lets it all out.

“I am so, so sorry,” she says between sobs, and I squeeze her to let her know I am listening.

---