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And I am embarrassed to admit that I’ve considered it more times than I can count, just to be hit by guilt. The guilt of knowing that there are people out there having it harder than me and still pushing through, being resilient. And here I am, constantly breaking down because of a woman.

The rest of my day is spent trying—and failing—to regulate my emotions and balance my mindset. Life really is a bitch.

But there is one thing Jake said that sticks with me. Imprinted on my head.

Don’t give up on her. Otherwise, there might not be hope.

It makes me question, where the hell is he seeing hope because it feels like hope has abandoned me a long time ago. Is it worth the try? Probably not, but knowing myself, these words are all I needed to keep trying.

Just one more time.

TWENTY-FOUR

Willow

Dylan’salreadyinschool—Jake’scourtesy to let me sleep until later. After a good night’s sleep, as I slowly get closer to the kitchen, I hear Nana and Jake’s hushed voices. I know it’s not polite to eavesdrop, but for them to be talking like this, I’m guessing I’m the subject.

“Do you believe that boy is the father?” Nana asks.

“It’s the only option. I mean they do look alike.A lot,” he mumbles.

Oh god. If he knew...

“But something’s not adding up, Nana. I can’t figure out how the hell it happened.” He sighs. “That night, it was excruciating for me. I can only imagine for her. She ran home in such a state that when I tried to touch her, she screamed. It was so loud, from the deepest depths of her lungs, that I had no reaction. Letting her go was the only option, and she went straight to the bathroom.”

I barely hold down a gasp. This is the first time I’ve heard Jake talk about it in detail. With me, he is always careful with his words.

“After an hour and a half of pacing outside the bathroom, I made the decision to go in. Nana, to this day, I don’t know if I am grateful or not because…all of those bruises and bite marks were slicing through me like a knife. And there she was, rocking herself underneath the scalding water with bright red skin.” My heart squeezes at the memory. “I lost it. I thought it had been him. I was going to killhim for it,but when I finally mentioned his name, she broke down crying, and begging me not to tell him, that he couldn’t know…”

“Oh god,” Nana cries. “Our little girl. Life is so unfair.”

“That’s when I realised it wasn’t him. I brought her a towel and helped her to bed—without touching her. The morning after only confirmed my suspicions. He knew less than I did.”

My eyes squeeze shut, and I try to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth as Jake taught me back then—a weak attempt to keep the bad memories away.

“From what you’ve told me back then, the boy’s persistence in finding her for so long…he must really have loved her. They probably still love each other, and I can only see this as fate working up to solve this mess.”

Not being in the room deprives me of seeing their expressions, but their soft voices tell me all I need to know. The love and worry they carry are huge, and it only makes me feel guilty about not being able to open up. I wish it were as easy as fate being able to make things right. What they don’t realise is that there are forces so much stronger than that.

What happened back then made it impossible for whatever there was between Liam and me to be mendable. He wouldn’t believe me. He’d hate me.

Hell, I hate myself.

Liam has been hurt enough by my abandonment. I saw it in his eyes when we talked. The pain and the despair were swirling in those blue irises like wildfire. They always turn darker when he’s emotional. It’s uncanny how long has passed by, and I can still pinpoint every emotion crossing him, even after all of these years.

Maybe because Dylan’s do the exact same. The irony of having my baby looking like him grows more and more every day.

The hurt that will come out of knowing the entire truth is not worth it, honestly. To everyone; not just me. Including my baby.

Especially my baby.

Trying to snap out of this mindset, I leave them to their talk and go back upstairs to get dressed. Tomorrow is Dylan’s birthday, and I have a lot to do. All of his school friends, Abby included, have been invited and have confirmed their attendance. I extended the invitation to my college friends, and all of them were excited to meet Dylan. Even Hazel, which was surprising.

It’ll be a day to celebrate. To behappy.

When I’m finally ready, I head back down, finding both of them still in the kitchen.

“Hey, Lolo!” Jake greets when he sees me. “What are we doing today?”

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