Page 55 of Back to Willow

I can’t let that happen. This needs to work, so I can move on. I need to show her she has nothing to worry about.

“Too bad for her,” I grumble. “You harvest what you sow.”

Tugging on her, I turn us around and head to my car. There, I make a point of unlocking it and opening the passenger door for Johanna before entering the driving side. Still, her car’s not working. There’s no sign she’s driving away anytime soon, and with a sigh, I rev mine and slowly head off.

Our last encounter has been eating away at my brain and heart. She doesn’t look much different physically, but that’s all there is. It felt like I was looking at a another person who resembled her. Like a long-lost twin no one ever knew existed.

The way she talked, moved, and behaved was certainly not like the Willow I once knew. The continuously shaking hands or the constant check over her shoulder, the sunken and dull eyes over her pale skin were an obvious tell that life has not been easy on her. It was heightened by the way her eyes widened in panic and how she flinched at the prospect of my touch. It broke parts of me I thought were already dead.

It was her broken whisper and the fat tears rolling down her cheeks that put the last nail in the coffin. It stole all the fight from my body at the sight of this broken version of her, and as much as I want to stay mad at her, I wonder so fucking much if…

If she had a valid reason to leave.

“Are you okay?” Johanna asks.

I can’t go soft.

“Sorry, yeah. Just focusing on driving,” I lie.

When we get to the bar, the host directs us to the booth in the VIP area that I booked for us. It’s close enough to the dancefloor that we can join if we feel like it but private enough that we can just enjoy each other’s company. The gold and black of the decorations clash with the bright and blinding lights that are in sync with the music’s beat.

“This is awesome!” Her eyes sweep over the place. “I’ve never been here before. It’s such an exclusive place!”

So it’s said, but luckily, one of my closest friends is the owner’s little brother, and he had told me that to impress a girl, this would be the place to come. I felt stupid at the time because in what world do people live in to be impressed by a bar?

It was never in my mind as a first choice, but when Johanna mentioned it through text last week, well, it was enough to make up my mind.

“Yeah, if Sean wasn’t my friend, I couldn’t have put us in here either,” I admit.

“You didn’t have to go through such trouble.” Her eyelashes flutter as she slides significantly closer to me on the couch.

I wave it off. “It wasn’t. And for you, only the best.”

Her body leans in, and the anticipation makes my heart pump faster, warming up my body. Beautiful. Stunning. Sexy. All a man could wish for. Then why is it when her lips graze mine, images of Willow flash before my eyes? The instant guilt leads me to tilt my face automatically, letting her only kiss the corner of my lips.

It’s not wrong. Almost a month ago, I never cared about kissing her or hooking up. We’re both single, and yet…it is.

“Let’s go dance,” I whisper in her ear as my hand slides to her lower back in a desperate attempt to save this date.

Maybe—just maybe—if, by dancing, a moment starts and we get lost in each other, I’ll be able to focus on the right woman for me. This one, right here.

“Yes.” She beams, jumping off the couch and grabbing my hand, leading us to the dancing area.

After weaving our bodies through the sea of people, we find a spot where we fit, flush against the other’s body and moving to the beat. Dancing isn’t one of my favourite hobbies, but I do alright. Johanna’s hands lock around my shoulders, and her hips swaying snuggly against mine helps.

We dance for a while as I hopelessly try to keep myself in the moment, in the woman attached to me. I try to convince myself of how beautiful and intelligent she is, of how understanding she has been with this cluster fuck, stepping aside, knowing Willow and I need to solve certain things on our own. But nothing works.

As the club’s lights flash around us, they seem to pierce right through my eyeballs. And as they reach my brain, memories of Willow flash through them. There is no space between Johanna’s body and mine, but my brain feels like it’s a thousand miles away. And that’s when realisation settles in my chest like a heavy weight I can’t get off.

I need to let her go.

In a hopeless attempt to get my mind off her, I bury my face in Johanna’s neck while my left arm snakes around her back, pulling her closer to me.

Her perfume invades my nostrils. The warm spicy note hits me hard as the soft hues of wood clash with it. It’s strong and surprisingly enticing. A strong perfume for a strong woman just like her. It fits her, but it still doesn’t compare to what my brain craves.

My hold loosens up as disappointment spreads. Being with Johanna here is wrong. Not because of Willow’s existence but because…I’m still not over her, and leading this outstanding woman on while there’s a past I can’t get over is not acceptable.

Ugh. I need to set this straight.

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