Page 52 of Back to Willow

Soon enough, she’s back with a fuming tray of what seems to be lasagna.Maybe cannelloni?Once it’s set down, she’s adamant about serving everyone before herself and sits down between Hazel and Sofia. I am on the other side of Hazel, with Ethan between Sofia and me.

We all fall into easy conversation, getting to know Sofia a little better and talking about our college projects for the semester.

“Ugh, Professor Prick is such an asshole,” Johanna groans after downing the last of the wine in her glass.

“He’s not that bad,” I answer before I can help myself.

All eyes turn to me—except for Sofia because she doesn’t know what we’re talking about—and I immediately regret my words.

“Excuse me,” Ethan starts, an offended tone to his voice. “Are you living in this world? That guy is a Grinch, and by the looks of it, you’re Christmas!”

Johanna and Sofia chuckle as Hazel nods, agreeing with her cousin. I join in awkwardly, too, choosing to keep silent.

Except, Johanna doesn’t let me, “Speaking of, have you been in contact with Liam?”

Oh.

“Have you guys talked ever since?”

“Well, I–”

“Wait!” Sofia cuts in, interrupting me. “Isn’t Liam the one you were going on a date with?”

Silence follows. A thick, heavy tension settles around the table as everyone’s eyes jump between Johanna and me. Her attention is locked on mine, with an expression I’ve never seen on her before.

Determination.

So far, she’s let it slide. And I was too hopeful that this moment would never come. But it seems that, once again, fate has other plans for me. Or, in this case, Johanna does.

“The very one,” Johanna admits, opening the can of worms and perking everyone’s curiosity.

It stings. Up until now, she’s acted as a friend, a good and respectful one. And this is the best—worst—wake-up call there could ever be. Johanna was waiting, but not for me to open up and tell her everything. She was waiting for the opportunity to corner me into telling her everything.

“Ahm…” Anxiety prickles at my brain, sending my blood pumping and raising my body temperature.

Everyone is waiting for an answer, and no one is merciful enough to stop it. Their interest is more important than my pain, if they can even notice it.

“Girls,” Ethan starts. “Maybe–”

“Let her talk,” Johanna grits. “She can speak for herself.”

Oh god.

Ethan clenches his jaw but keeps quiet, letting her win.

“Liam…” It hurts just to say his name aloud. “Was my childhood best friend for years.”

Maybe there’s no need to tell the entire story. Our story is just that, ours. And the only person I owe an explanation to is not sitting at this table.

That’s until Johanna’s body deflates, and she sighs in relief. That awakens the green monster I always try to ignore inside me. These foreign feelings are never welcome, but every time they show up, I lose this inevitable battle.

Knowing in my gut that his reason to move forward is right here in front of me. That sooner or later, I’ll have to witness that happening with someone I see daily guts me—wrecks me.

And that’s why the word vomit happens, the need to let her know that there’s more.There was more.

“He was also my first boyfriend.”

A couple of gasps are the only sounds. Just as I expected, in a matter of minutes, the dinner is ruined, reminding me how volatile friendships and other relationships are.

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