Page 29 of Back to Willow

“Let me just peek into the room to make sure—”

“Are you telling me I can’t take care of my sister?” he growled.

Shit. Jake was never that protective of Willow; not when it came to me. Probably because he knew I cared about her as much as him, but in a different way. He’d just leave a few playful hints here and there to let me know he had an eye on me, but I always shrugged it off. There was no way I’d ever do anything to hurt his sister.

“Shit, Jake. No! I’m worried,” I sighed, trying to regain my composure. “She never answered me yesterday…” I trailed off, stopping when Jake’s eyes and lips pressed together tightly, his jaw clenched.

A movement from underneath caught my attention, allowing me to see his fists clench and open a couple of times. When I finally looked up, shiny green irises were watching me intently, irritation burning in his eyes. He was upset but furious, too—I had never seen Jake so torn. He was always the life of the party.

“Jake, seriously…” I tried again. “This is scaring the hell out of me. Is she alright? Can I do something?”

“Sorry,” he gritted out. “She’ll answer you as soon as she can.”

And with those final words, Willow’s brother closed their front door in my face.

NINE

Willow

Fromthemomentwelock eyes, my body shuts down, from the trembling hands to the shortness of breath. His harsh words send a strong message. Emotions swirl in his blue eyes, showing me the internal war between rage and pain. The longing and the hurt. For a moment there, they were fighting for power.

Anger won, obviously.

But seeing, hearing, and smelling him has brought me back to a world that was supposed to be dead and buried. Yes, Liam brings beautiful memories but the bad ones drag themselves to the surface, too.

It’s not his fault, but it has awful consequences for my body. Shutting down is a defence method it has clung to, ever since… I haven’t had a panic attack in four years. The last time it happened, a brute ripped the last juice bottle out of my hand, claiming he’d seen it first. My body crashed in response to the unwanted contact, and the fact that I had a one-year-old toddler in my arms, bawling his eyes out, didn’t help my case.

It brought unwanted attention, causing the whole supermarket to stop because of me.

But now, all of it is coming back. And I can’t stand here for the entire diner to witness. Every sound surrounding us heightens, piercing through my eardrums. As the two sets of eyes start to feel like a thousand, my feet make the decision for me.

Just like the first time things went south, I run away from Liam. I shouldn’t because I know he deserves better. However, at this moment, my brain is in fight or flight mode. It surely chose flight, stopping only when I reach the staff room.

Seconds seem to stretch into infinity as the cold hard wall digs into my skin through the shirt’s fabric. With my ass flat on the floor and arms over my knees, I let my head fall over them. My lungs burn every time I try to inhale air into them—it hurts. It’s like instead of the oxygen, I’m breathing acid. Still, I power through, with shallow breaths. They mix with ugly sobs as my cheeks turn cold from the ever-running tears.

I’m out of control.

Black dots smear my sight with the lack of air, causing a sharp tightening of my chest. I feel like I’ll choke to death if I don’t get a grip. I know I need to ground myself and focus on what’s around me, but memories take over. They cloud my brain and flash beneath my lids, digging out the ones I buried the deepest. They all come to the surface, mixing different parts of my past, forcing me to travel back in time.

“You smell so good.” The pungent scent of his breath hit my nostrils at the same time his exhale reached my cheek, making my eyes squeeze tightly.

My breath hitches in my throat as my brain blocks the painful memory and my head spins from the replacement. A pleasant one.

“I love you, too,” I whispered back to him, kissing his sweaty jaw while he tightened his hold on me.

Except, at this point, it’s hard to know if it makes it better of even worse. The loss and grief that comes hand in hand with the happy memories make them just as hard to relive.

“I’ve always wanted you.” Sitting on the sofa, I heard his whispers in my ear. His body was forcefully leaning over mine while one of his hands brushed my shoulder, slowly bringing the strap down. I couldn’t move as unpleasant goosebumps ran all over my skin and my lips quivered in fear of his touch.

My mouth opens in a silent scream that stays lodged in my throat. Everything burns from the inside out—especially the places he touched. And while a part of me wants to break free, the other, tamed by trauma, is still keen on staying trapped in this loop.

“Do you want to be my girlfriend?” he questioned when our faces finally separated from a breath-taking kiss. Smiling widely, I eagerly nodded, saying yes. His face mirrored mine, and in the heat of the moment, he picked me up, swirling us around. Warmth filled my heart as both of our laughter spread into the peacefulness of the night.

Why does this keep happening? Why doesn’t the pain just go away once and for all? Why do I let myself be a prisoner to my own pain? Why do I let it incapacitate me after so long?

“You see, Lo? We were made for each other, we fit so well.” His slippery lips wandered all over my neck and shoulders, licking and biting, eliciting even more pain. I couldn’t hold it in anymore, soft sobs broke from my lips and even more tears streamed down my face.

Dread slithers through my veins at the sound of every word told in his voice. Even if I know it’s all in my head, it still steals all fight away from me.

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