Page 113 of Back to Willow

“He’s a heavy sleeper,” he hums, smiling, his eyes locked on the sleeping boy. “He didn’t even flinch while we manoeuvred him.”

“He is,” I agree. “And it’s a struggle to wake him up in the morning. He’s very passionate about his bed, to the point of kicking.”

Liam’s head snaps to mine with wide eyes. I probably just reminded him of that one time we fell asleep on the couch one afternoon and the way he pushed me off it when I tried to wake him up.

“Too good to be just a coincidence. Don’t you think?”

Yes.Either way, it isn’t a coincidence.

It’s been easier to forget the other half of the possibility when things go this smoothly. It always feels like a punch to the gut whenever I remember.

“Don’t get your hopes up,” I snap.

It’s not his fault. I know! But this is the best defence mechanism I can come up with. My brain keeps chanting that if I keep my distance, it’ll hurt less. A stupid illusion.

His face falls, and I have to turn away, heading back downstairs. The way his expression contorts makes my heart tug, and not in a good way. I can see from it how much he wants this, and that alone makes me afraid.

More than I’ve felt in a long time because if he isn’t, he’ll question everything, and having him know everything that happened will destroy him.Almost as much as it destroyed me.

“Don’t you think that was uncalled for?” he growls when we get downstairs.

“It was, but I know you. You’re impulsive and emotional. I can see the way you look at him. You believe unconditionally that he is yours. I was just reminding you, keeping you grounded.”

“No, you’re being cruel. I understand that you’re upset about seeing me with Johanna at the diner, but it wasn’t what you’re thinking it was.”

Of course, he’d think that’s what made me say that. It wasn’t.Right?I have no right to be upset or jealous. We haven’t been together for years now.

“I don’t think anything, Liam. You’re single, remember? You can see and date whoever you want, and I can’t be mad at you.” His mouth opens to counter but I cut him off, continuing, “Plus, you are dating her. It’s not your fault I came barrelling down like a tsunami and ruined your life. If there’s someone who’s not right in this situation, it’s me for stepping in between the both of you.”

When I finish my speech, Liam doesn’t answer me for a while.A good while.

He spends the entire time in silence, looking intently at me, his eyes roaming my face. They jump from the crease between my eyebrows to my eyes, cheeks, and then to my lips, only to go back up and do it again.And again.

“I amnotdating Johanna,” he answers. My heart roars in satisfaction, but I try to keep a poker face. It’s still not my business. “I finished whatever it could turn into when I saw you at her apartment. We met earlier because the other night, when I went out with some friends, I found her outside completely intoxicated. After taking her home, I got worried and wanted to check in on her.”

“Oh…is she okay?”

He nods. “Yes. I think so.”

“You still don’t have to explain yourself to me. It’s fine, Liam.”

It does lift some of the worrying feelings that were brewing inside me, but that fact only brings another load. The ability he has to reassure me shouldn’t be there. And I shouldn’t be bothered by any of this.

But I am. And I don’t know what the hell that means. What it can mean scares the hell out of me.

I came to this city to have a fresh start, and so far, I’ve had anything but. I’ve barely been keeping myself afloat between school, work, and the emotional distress of having Liam back in my life.

“You don’t look fine.”

Damn him and his ability to see right through me.

“I am exhausted today,” I answer. “I was supposed to stay at home with Dylan and had to go to work after a day of school. It’s been a long day…”

“You could have called me,” he comments, and I look away.

It’s the same thing he said earlier when I was working and he saw Dylan. And while I understand where he is coming from, he also needs to realise that I have been doing this by myself—mostly—ever since he was born. My automatic response is to solve it by myself, not ask for help.

“I didn’t have time,” I explain truthfully. “This is new. I’m used to doing everything by myself; I just acted on it.”

---