Page 104 of Back to Willow

The fact I didn’t panic was a victory in itself, one I didn’t think I could have. Not so soon, anyway. But my heart aches because sooner rather than later I’ll have to tell him the last shard of my secret.

This will be the last straw. The one which will send him running to the hills and make him realise that he deserves much more than all of these problems.

Just thinking about it wipes out my good mood. It’s that cruel reality check that brings you down from cloud nine, straight into the dirt. It reminds me that dreams are fleeting and pain is real. Constant.

I am better living in the cruel reality that this has no solution. To live with everything that broke me.

THIRTY-THREE

Liam

AsIfinishgettingready for today’s shift, my brain works non-stop, thinking about Willow and Dylan. I want to keep my distance and not blur lines, but it’s hard.

It’s so damn hard.

That day that I spent with both of them was such blissful torture, a glimpse of what my dream used to be—what it still may be, and I just couldn’t admit it out loud.

A life by her side.

However, it feels like I’m walking on thin ice. Every second that goes by is critical in the sense that if I say or do the wrong thing, it will all slip away out my hands—once again.

All I could think about was being close to her, smelling her, and kissing her.

The proximity is still as intoxicating as it was. Having Dylan, though, makes it all different. New. Brighter. On a few occasions, he’s left me speechless with his cheekiness and impulsive moments—reminding me so much of myself when I was his age.

Quickly, it feels like the gaping hole that has been weighing on my chest for a while is finally being filled. It’s closing, healing. So much so that my heart feels like it’s going to burst sometimes.

And while I understand her hesitancy and doubts, not wanting to grow a lot of hope only for it to be shattered, I can’t help but think—would dare say feel it, too—that he is mine. There is no way he isn’t.

Despite the personality traits he is already developing, the physical similarities are striking. The eye colour, the skin tone…In my brain, there isn’t any other alternative.

And oh my, is that possibility amazing. Sure, it will probably mean a lot of changes. Priorities would change and routines, too. The hospital would no longer be my number one concern, but my third.

My cell phone rings just as I finish putting my shoes on, cutting off my happy train of thought. When I pick it up, I groan at the sight of the name on the screen.

“Hey, Mum,” I greet after accepting the call.

“My boy,” she coos. “How are you?”

“Great.” It’s true.

She just doesn’t need to know why I have been so great; my parents have a tendency to kill all happiness around them.

“Good, good,” she comments. “I have such great news for you!”

“What’s up?”

“Your brother is back,” she squeals from the other side of the line, almost bursting my eardrum.

I can’t help but sigh. This is a rabbit hole we’re going down.I know. I’ve been there.

After everything went down with Willow, I was a wreck. When it became clear she wasn’t coming back and wasn’t going to be in contact, I had to find other ways to cope.

One of them was studying, which is why I managed to finish high school one year earlier. I’m no genius, but I worked too fucking hard.

The other was knowing that once I finished high school and started college, my parents would pay whatever they needed to ensure I was well off while studying. That meant an apartment, and of course, I saw it as the perfect excuse to help Mason without them knowing.

While settling here, I tried to find the areas he spent his time in and the people he met with to try and grow a pattern of which areas to look for him. When I couldn’t, I paid for some help.

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