Page 78 of Back to Willow

“I understand you have questions,” my brother counters. “She’ll answer them. I’m sure.” I visibly flinch. “Just not tonight. Look at her, man. Shecan’ttalk.”

Ignoring my brother, Liam repeats his question through gritted teeth, “What age is he?”

“Lo?” Jake calls me, asking for permission.

We know each other well enough to talk through half-words sometimes. That’s why I meekly nod, and he promptly answers, “He just turned six today.”

With every silent moment, my heart drops with dread. I can almost listen to the gears turning in his brain as it processes the information.

“That’s…seven or eight months after you left?”

After I left.Memories try to break free from the little drawer I keep them in, and the only thing keeping my head afloat are Dylan’s gentle caresses and low whispers.

That good-girl vibe you have is surely a turn-on.

“No,” I mutter to myself.

Oh, don’t act like you don’t know what you’re doing.

“Is that why you left?” Liam’s voice clashes with the demons trying to break free.

Thankfully, I keep them in check for a while longer. Probably because of the way his voice cracks at the last word.

“Alright,” Jake steps in again. “Enough!”

“If he was born in November, then…”

Please, no. Don’t say it.

Please, stop.

You don’t want me to stop.

My lungs close in, and airflow stops, blinding me. Even Dylan’s voice sounds far away. Too far away.

“Fuck…she’s…attack.” I don’t know who is saying what, or if there is a commotion at all. My eyes are wide open, but they are seeing events from a long time ago. The ones I fiercely try to keep locked away.

The pungent scent of his breath hit my nostrils at the same time the exhale reached my cheek, making my eyes shut tightly in discomfort.

His unfamiliar scent gave me nausea while his foreign and calloused hand squeezed my breast too tight, making me whimper in pain.

I said no, over and over again, to no avail. I cried, screamed, and trashed against him, and still, he easily manoeuvred me, pinning me to the couch with his body. He undressed me despite my crying. He kept going despite my begging him to stop.

It plays in a loop. The memory of how a few minutes can feel like hours. A few minutes can be more than enough to destroy one’s life. More than enough to kill someone. In this case, the person I used to be.

And now, I’ll have to face all of it again.

“Mummy, wake up. Look at me, please.”

My haven. Once again, he takes me out of the darkest place inside, finally bringing me back to the present. As I roll out of the trance, I startle with my surroundings. I’m in an unfamiliar car, sitting in the back seat with Dylan still glued to me.

“Hey, baby,” I answer him, my voice hoarse.

My first thought is to at least sit him straight and put on the seatbelt but he refuses to let go.

“Baby, safety first.” A strong head shake and a tighter embrace are enough to make me sigh in defeat.

“It won’t work.” A male voice sounds, unsettling me for a second. “Believe me, I tried.”

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