Page 63 of Back to Willow

When Dylan started talking, and I started teaching him words, this was one of the words he struggled the most in learning: nightmare. I don’t even know why but because he couldn’t say it, he started to say dream-mare.

Even though he can already say it properly now, it’s stuck.

I find it so cute. My baby is so cute.

“Yes, baby, but it’s gone now. You made it better.” I cuddle him. “You make everything better,” I whisper.

“You too, Mummy. I love you.”

“I love you, baby. Now, go back to sleep. We have a big day ahead of us.” I chuckle slightly and hold him close to me as he slowly falls back asleep.

As for me, sleep has evaded me. It always happens when I have nightmares—or memories, rather. They always start with good or happy moments that somehow transform into that dreadful night. Everything I went through wasn’t bad enough, my self-sabotaging brain is still trying to find ways to stain all the good memories I still hold dear.

Staying awake, fighting off unwanted thoughts and watching my angel sleep is the best way to keep some of my memories safe. As well as what’s left of my sanity.

“Mum, look!” Dylan shrieks in excitement. “It’s a lion!”

He lets go of my hand to try and run to the glass wall, but I hold him tighter, not letting him go far. The zoo is crowded, and the last thing I need is to lose sight of him.

“Dylan, we’ll get there. What have I told you? Do not let go of my hand,” I repeat for the thousandth time today.

This kid is impulsive and rash. A true hurricane that I find exhausting sometimes. Saturdays have been a day that I try to focus on him and quality time with him. So, this time around, we came to the zoo.

Last night left me exhausted, but nothing beats the sheer happiness on Dylan’s face. Seeing him so excited and happy makes up for everything else. He makes all of the sacrifices and efforts worth it.

“Come on, Mum. You’re too slow! They’ll run away by the time we get there,” he whines, and I chuckle, keeping my slow pace.

“Where will they run away to? Not the city I hope,” I joke, and he gives me a glare.

He still likes to think the animals are in the wilderness, and we just have a special ticket that takes us directly there—as though we’d teleported. Before him, I’d forgotten how much our imaginations run wild when we’re kids. It brings back a few pleasant memories from the treehouse that I imagined being my “prison room” at the top of the highest tower of the palace.

I used to force Liam to pretend to be my prince charming and to come up there and save me. He hated it, but he did it nonetheless. It brings a smile to my face.

“Look, Mummy. They are so big! If they get mad, they will be angry and-and…” He puffs his chest and arches his arms towards his belly making this ugly, angry face before continuing, “They will roar like this:roawaar!”

“Oh, yeah?” I ask, making him think he is teaching me something. “What will they do if they are hungry?”

“Eat insects!” he says as a matter of fact, and I burst out laughing.

This kid has watchedThe Lion Kingone too many times. I think I need to make him watch proper wilderness documentaries one of these days, otherwise he’ll think lions only eat insects, like Simba.

“Alright lion whisperer, let’s go see the zebras!”

After a few minutes of walking, we arrive, and he is in love with them.

“Mummy, they’re just like horses.” I nod in acknowledgement. “But they just have stripes!”

“Something like that, I guess.” I chuckle. “Want to see something else?”

“Not yet. I like the zebras. Can I have one for my birthday?” He makes these manipulative puppy eyes that make me give in ninety percent of the time.

Well, the ten percent apply to situations like this, when getting a zebra is as impossible as it is illegal.

“Unfortunately no, baby. Zebras need space to run, and our backyard is really small,” I tell him.

“I will walk her every day, Mum. I promise.” I burst out laughing again.

“Dylan, a zebra is not the same as a dog. They grow a lot, eat a lot, and need to run hundreds of miles sometimes. I promise that when you get a little bit older, we’ll get a dog. Okay, baby?”

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