Page 45 of Forging Chaos

He wraps an arm around my shoulder and squeezes. “Pretty nice, right? I wish we could swim.”

I frown at the pool. “Wouldn’t it be freezing?”

He shakes his head. “Heated.”

I roll my eyes. “I should have figured. Fancy-ass family.” I sigh and stare over the deck railing at the trees beyond the currently grassy ski slopes. But then I think more about Odin’s wealthy family and what he said at the sink. My stomach is uneasy. Something is off. I remember him showingup at the diploma ceremony, the way my advisor insisted I be there for a surprise award. A shiver rolls down my neck as I start to put it all together. “Hey, what did you mean? About going to bat.”

He shakes his head and grips the deck rail. He is hiding something. “Did you have something to do with that scholarship? Is that why you and your mom were there at the ceremony?”

Odin grips the edge of the counter. “You’re an amazing student, Thora. You deserve that money and more. You’re doing good things in the world. I felt terrible that you paid your mom’s rent so she’d come to graduation.”

I fly back from the rail, horrified. “You felt bad?”

He throws a hand in the air. “Of course, I felt bad for you!”

I press my knuckles to my temples. All this has been way too good to be true. And now I see it for what it all was. “Am I your pity project? Is that what I am to you?”

“Thora. No. Wait. You’re getting this wrong.”

I cross my arms and stare up at him. “Then tell me what’s right. Tell me you had nothing to do with that money.”

He scratches the back of his neck. “Look,” he starts, and I shriek and tug at my hair. I’m going to have to pay it back. I feel disgusting and cheap. I never wanted to be the object of anyone’s pity, let alone a man I’m sleeping with. “Thora, I don’t even know what the fuck I was going to do with that money otherwise. I can’t live up to the expectations that were set when I got it from the fucking video game people.”

I growl at him. I want to shove him in the chest but I’m adult enough not to knock him over while he’s injured. “Odin, you can’t justsneakand trick me. How am I supposed to react when I learn your entire family was talking about me? About how unfortunate I am?”

I groan and rush into the house, down the hall to the bedroom. I have to pack my stuff. I have to get out of here.Somehow. If I have to walk back to Pittsburgh, so be it. I hear him rolling down behind me. “I only gave some of the money. The rest was legitimately from lawyers all over the damn city who were impressed by you, Thora. It all went through the women’s law clinic, I swear. It’s a real award.”

"Don't patronize me," I snap. "I've spent my entire life being patronized by people who think they know what's best for me. I thought you were different."

"Thora, please," Odin pleads. "I was just trying to help. My family has so much, and you work so hard?—"

"Stop. Just stop." I hold up a hand. "I don't need you to remind me how hard my life is compared to yours. I don't need your family's pity money."

"It's not pity! God, you're so stubborn about accepting help?—"

"And you're so used to throwing money at problems that you don't understand why this hurts me!” I ball my hands into fists and shake my head. “You know what the worst part is? I actually started to believe I maybe deserved good things. That I earned them on my merit. But this whole time, you were just another person who saw me as someone to fix." I tug at my hair. “I trusted you, Odin. What a mistake.”

“Please sit so we can talk about this,” he begs, hopping over to the bed and sitting next to my bag, where I’m stuffing in clothes and toiletries. “You’re the only thing I have going for me right now, Thora.”

I shake my head and yank off his shirt, stuffing my own over my head instead. “That’s not fair, Odin. Everyone in my life depends on me utterly and fully. I thought you were someone I could maybe lean on.”

“You can! That’s why I wanted?—”

I snarl. “Don’t tell me that’s why you gave me money. Just forget it. You’ll never, ever understand where I’m coming from. I don’t have a family who will pay my rent while Ifigure out my shit. I don’t have anyone, Odin. I need to get out of here.”

His face falls, and he breathes quietly for a few beats. “Take the car,” he says. “My family can come get me.”

I roll my eyes. “Of course they can.” I groan and huff past him. “I’ll leave your keys with your brother or whoever I can find.”

I pause at the door, tears burning my eyes. "You know what kills me? I actually let myself believe you saw me as an equal. But I was just your charity case all along."

"Thora, that's not?—"

"Save it for the next hard-luck case you want to rescue."

I slam the door to the palace in the mountains and cry the entire drive back to the city. When I get to Odin’s apartment, I ring the bell, slap the keys into Gunnar’s palm, and stalk off down the road as he shouts my name and asks what happened. Let him call Odin and ask.

CHAPTER 34

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