Page 4 of Forging Chaos

Stellan blinks at me, and Thora taps her foot on the floor. “Maybe just call me when you’re home,” she says. I can tell she thinks I’ll forget this conversation. She and Stellan leave, and I stare at the ceiling, waiting for discharge. I give up and fall asleep, thinking about Thora’s pouty lips as she offered me water.

CHAPTER 4

THORA

I slip into Fuel Up,the trendy bar where I work too many hours, my mind a whirlwind. The familiar scent of stale beer and greasy bar food hits me, but it does nothing to calm my nerves after seeing Odin so messed up. My hands shake as I tie my apron, and I nearly drop a glass while setting up the bar.

"Real smooth, Thora," I mutter to myself. "First, you act like a weird robot in front of the injured hottie, and now you can't even handle basic bartending tasks. A stellar day all around."

As I start serving the early crowd, my mind keeps replaying the scene at the hospital. Odin's shocked face when I burst in, babbling about our project like some kind of sociopathic academic drone. God, there I was, this crazy-eyed loudmouth, more concerned about a class assignment than Odin’s injury.

A customer snaps his fingers at me, jarring me back to reality. "Hey, sweetheart, you gonna stand there all day, or can I get another beer?"

I plaster on my best fake smile. "Coming right up, sir. Andhey, maybe we could work on using our words instead of treating me like a dog? Just a thought."

As I pour his beer–extra foam because fuck him–I can't help but draw parallels between this interaction and my behavior at the hospital. Was I any better than this entitled jerk demanding Odin's attention when he was clearly in pain? Some Rhodes Scholar I am. I can't even manage basic human empathy. Although … I didn’t infantilize Odin with a chauvinistic pet name, so at least there’s that.

The bar door swings open, and in walks Fern, practically floating in a post-sex haze. I’m happy she had a reunion with her hottie. Odin’s cousin, I remember. Family.

Fern’s hair is mussed, and a small blue bruise is peeking out from under her collar. I raise an eyebrow as she approaches.

“You and Wyatt made nice, I take it?”

Fern grins, unabashed. "Oh, hush. You were the one who turned me into this person. What is it you always say? Stick a peen in it and forget for a while?”

Her words sting more than they should. "Yeah, well, some of us have more pressing concerns than getting our rocks off."

Fern's smile falters. "Okay, spill. What happened at the hospital? And don't say 'nothing.' I know your 'I fucked up' face, and you're wearing it hard right now."

I sigh, glancing around to make sure no customers need me before leaning in. "I may have royally screwed up with Odin today."

“How? Didn’t you give him the cookies? Men love cookies.”

I groan, recounting my disastrous hospital visit. With each word, Fern's eyes grow wider. When I finish, she lets out a low whistle.

"Wow. That's...something."

"I know. Who does that? Who bursts into a hospital roomand immediately starts talking about a class project? I'm a monster, Fern. A grade-obsessed, compassionless monster."

Fern reaches across the bar, grabbing my hand. "Hey, stop that. You're not a monster. You're just...intensely focused. And under a shit-ton of pressure."

I snort. "Yeah, because that makes it so much better. God, what if they revoke my fellowship? 'Sorry, Ms. Janssen, we've decided you lack the basic human decency required to represent our institution.'"

"Thora, breathe. They're not going to revoke your fellowship over one awkward interaction. And let's be real, you've got so much riding on this project. It's not unreasonable to be worried about it."

I nod, knowing she has a point. But the guilt still gnaws at me. "I just...I should have been better, you know? He's lying there with his life in shambles, and all I could think about was my stupid GPA. A rational person would have just sent the cookies with his cousin. And a note."

The bar starts to fill up, and I throw myself into work, grateful for the distraction. But even as I mix drinks and fake laugh at terrible jokes, my mind keeps drifting back to Odin. To the way his blue eyes had widened in surprise when I burst in, to the hurt that had flashed across his face at my callousness.

During a lull, I can't help but check my phone. No messages. Not that I expected any, but still. My finger hovers over Odin's contact info that Stellan gave me when we left the hospital. He was weird about it, too, like I’m interested in Odin for sexy times and not just a means to a four-point-oh.

Should I text Odin? Apologize? But what would I even say? 'Sorry I acted like a robot with no feelings. Hope your catastrophic injury isn't too inconvenient for my academic goals.'

Fuck that. I did offer to do the whole project so it could beone less thing he worries about. Is academic integrity important to him? I don’t know which way is up at the moment.

So, instead, I respond to a text from my mom, firmly telling her that no, I will not stop for cigarettes for Dad on my way home. I wish this happened rarely enough that I was shocked about the request, but I am not.

As the night winds down, Fern finishes chatting with the staff and prepares to leave. She fixes me with a stern look. "Promise me you'll be kind to yourself, okay? You're allowed to have conflicting feelings. You're allowed to worry about your future and still care about others."

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