Page 39 of Forging Chaos

THORA

Mom squeezesmy hand on the bus as we ride toward the arena along with 10,000 other folks, all graduating today. “We’re probably the only ones taking the bus to the ceremony,” she says, smoothing her hair.

“First of all, definitely not. Second, we don’t have to fight anyone for parking! We’re way ahead of the game.” Nothing is going to get me down today except maybe the thought of Fern leaving tomorrow. Neither of us has really taken the time to absorb the fact that we’ll be separated for the first time in four years.

From the day I met her at first-year orientation, she’s been my person—someone who understands my background and struggles and can really feel the magnitude of my successes when I have them. And today is definitely a success.

Mom dabs at her eyes with a crumpled tissue. “Nobody I know ever graduated from anything,” she tells me.

“I know, Mom. But you set me up to do it.” And it’s true. My mother showed me the importance of hard work and perseverance every day of her life. Even if I don’t understand what she gets from being with my dad, I still absorbed her ability to roll up her sleeves and get shit done. “And I’mgoing to work on changing things. You know, so other families have it easier.”

She squeezes my leg and then stares at it. “Shouldn’t you have one of those robes or something? For graduating? You did in high school…”

I laugh. “Fern has our gowns.” I don’t add that she kept them at her place so mine wouldn’t stink. “We rented them.” The bus stops at the bottom of the hill, and Mom and I join the herd of families huffing and puffing their way up DeSoto Street. The mood is joyful, like when we’re working on game day and the home team is favored to win. Only I’m not working today. It’s my show.

I’m still not over winning that award last night. I haven’t told anyone. A small twinge of guilt pricks at my side, knowing I should tell my parents, but I won’t because if they ask me for some of the money, I know I won’t be able to tell them no. The second the money showed up as a pending deposit in my account, I bought a plane ticket and ordered a laptop. I don’t want anyone to change their mind about the award.

I spy Fern at the bottom of the stairs, flanked by her mom and Wyatt. She starts jumping and waving, her blue gown billowing in the breeze. I hurry on ahead and clutch her hands, jumping with her in a circle as she tries to stuff the gown over my head. Wyatt clears his throat and hands us each a mortarboard and tassel.

I realize my mom hasn’t met Fern’s mom, Heather, or Wyatt, so I quickly introduce them. And then there’s nothing left to do but line up while our families take their seats. Fern and I are oddly quiet as we listen to the band warming up before we march in.

“Hey,” I whisper, squeezing her hand. We’re supposed to organize by major, but with this many thousand people, nobody is taking roll or saying anything beyond the posters taped to the walls as an attempt to organize.

She turns to me, a dreamy smile on her face. I lick my lips, and she fishes a lip balm from a pocket somewhere. “Thanks. Also, I won a grant last night.” Her eyes widen, and her mouth drops open. “Five thousand,” I whisper.

She punches my shoulder. “Shut up. What for?” I explain how it was some legal aid reward for a student volunteer. “I don’t remember anyone winning it last year, and it wasn’t something I could apply for, so it really feels too good to be true, honestly.”

“Hmm,” she nods. “Any strings attached?”

I shake my head. “And it was a check to me, not the institution. I cashed it last night and bought my ticketanda functional computer. Oh, shit. I had it sent to your house, and you’ll be gone.” A tuba blares, and then the band starts “Pomp and Circumstance.”

Fern leans her head on my shoulder. “You can still send stuff to my house. Mom will be happy to see you when you come pick it up.”

We process into the arena and all the families pack the seats, cheering and waving. Fern somehow spots Wyatt and waves, face brightening. I’m shocked by a twinge of…something that Odin isn’t there. Why would he be? I push down that unidentifiable feeling and focus on finding our seats and listening to the speaker tell us our lives are about to get awesome.

By the time the Chancellor tells us to stand and turn our tassels, I’m sort of numb and floating. Today is the day. I have reached the finish line. I’m a college graduate, and nobody can take that from me. Ever.

In a daze, Fern and I make our way back outside, eventually finding our moms and her man candy. They’re very lovey, making out like fiends as Heather raises her eyebrows and tries to look at me and Mom.

“Well,” Heather says. “Should we try to find lunch somewhere that’s not mobbed?”

Mom presses her lips together. I didn’t lay out any expectations beyond the ceremony. It hadn’t occurred to me that, of course, regular families go out to eat or otherwise celebrate occasions like this. You’d think after years working in food service, that would be upfront in my thoughts. Mom stammers. “I, um…” She turns to me. “Sweetie, I have to get home to your dad, and then I have an afternoon shift. You know how it is with the fees.”

I nod and hug her. “I know, Mom. I’m good.”

Fern and Wyatt stop sucking face to wave goodbye to my mother, and the Montgomery crew invites me to Wyatt’s favorite hole-in-the-wall deli for a sandwich, at least. “My treat,” he says. And I accept only because he offered to run back inside and return my gown and Fern’s to the rental collection.

“He’s a keeper,” Heather says, and Fern nods.

Lunch is all about England, how Fern leaves in the morning, and how she’s going to make notes on everything I need to know and understand before I get there. At one point, Wyatt raises his water glass toward me and says, “Congrats on the award, by the way. Well earned, I’m sure.”

And while I know Fern might have whispered it to him when I wasn’t looking, I still don’t quite understand how Wyatt knew I won an award. He must see my face contort, though, because he says, “Aunt Juniper leaked the news last night.” He shrugs. “Stag family gossip. Sorry.”

Fern squeezes his shoulder. “They all sent a video congratulating me, too.” She kisses him until Heather clears her throat. They break apart and we talk more about the logistics of Fern’s departure. And then the meal is over, I’ve hugged my friend goodbye for now, and I find myself with absolutely nothing to do.

I have no idea how to relax, let alone have fun. I was going to work tomorrow, but my manager gave away my shift after I fainted and then called off. I’m about to climb theCathedral of Learning to stare out the windows at the city I’m leaving behind when my phone rings in my hand. Odin.

“Hello?” I know I told him I’d go out with him, but I wasn’t expecting him to just call when I was on the verge of a meltdown.

---