“It’s no problem,” I say, unsure what shewantsme to say. I think she wants to tell me to fuck off. I don’t know what she thinks I’d do if she did.
She gives a curt nod and straightens. “So… For the time being, anything you need help with, you can ask me. You’ve been away for a long time, so I’m sure you have plenty of questions…”
When I don’t respond, she splays her hands as if to prompt me.
“I had my questions answered today with the lieutenants. But thank you.”
Her face falls. After a few moments, she tucks her hair behind her ear and smiles. “Yes, I’m sure. The lieutenants—while knowledgeable, of course—don’t know the goings of themansionlike?—”
“I’m all set for now, Mila.”
Her face falls again.
“But thank you.”
She faces forward, her jaw working while she considers something. At first, she seemed disappointed. Now she seems angry. I flatten my back against the wall and hang my arms over my knees.
“You think because I’m a woman, I don’t know anything,” she says, resentment bulging from her words.
What?
“You think all I am is a whore, but I’m not.” She turns to me, her chin lifting, a muscle jumping in her cheek.
I squint at her, trying to understand what’s happening inside her head. She wants so badly to be more than Nikita’s lap dog. I can see it.
What does she want fromme? Validation? Does she want me to ask her important questions she may or may not know the answers to for the sake of making her feel important?
What is this?
“Okay,” is all I say.
Her eyes bulge at that, and she grips the edge of the bench. When her jaw slackens, her hurt spills out. “You can’t even pretend.”
“Pretend what?” I shake my head. “I’m sorry, but I’m as bad an actor as you are. I’m not even sure what you want me to think, but telling me you aren’t Nikita’s whore isn’t going to make it so.”
“Oh, go to hell, Vitaly.” She stands, her small hands balled into fists as she stomps toward the door. She hesitates before reaching it, her feet slowing to a stop while she seems to considersomething. I think she may turn around and come back, but after a minute, she leaves, slamming the door closed behind her.
I pick at the food but only eat a few bites, all the while thinking of the extra scraps I got for the brutal beating I gave Krysa that cold, winter night.
It seems like such a strange waste.
11
MILA
The next morning, I wake up early.
Dawn barely breaks over the horizon as I change into a sports bra, wincing at the bruising on my torso. It looks worse than it feels. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.
None of the other women stir in their bunks as I sift through their clothes, searching for a tank top to cover up the bruises even I can’t stand to look at. When I find a bright pink number claiming to “never give up,”I pull it on and roll my eyes at the corny phrasing. Pink looks bad enough on me. No one needs the pep talk.
Once my shoelaces are tight, I stand and leave the women to their slumber, creeping peacefully to the gym. Normally, this is my favorite part of the day, when I’m all alone and drifting through the silence.
But today, the calm feeling I usually feel when I inhale a deep breath walking the stairs to the gym doesn’t come. I’m not relaxed. I wasn’t relaxed all night, and it had nothing to do with sleeping in a dead girl’s bed.
Vitaly gave me nothing last night.Nothingto tell Nikita when he asks why he’s come back. If I had to guess, I’d say he goteverything he needed from the lieutenants and just likes fucking with me.
He doesn’t want my help. He doesn’t even think he needs it. He’s more sexist than Nikita.